Paul Speaks

Recipe Request

2007-07-01T22:23:00.000-07:00

Now that I finally acquired one of these:

What, exactly, am I supposed to cook in it?

I know I've probably seen HUNDREDS of shows of the Food Network where these dishes were used, but nothing in particular comes to mind.

Pizza Pizza Pizza Pizza Pizza.....

2007-05-10T18:58:00.000-07:00

Check out Jeff Varasano's pizza page. Who would have thought you could go into so much detail about pizza? I haven't read the entire thing in detail yet, but I'm amazed at the level of detail and analysis he has in there. Also, it's really making me hungry. If only there was somewhere to get good pizza in Seattle...

Motivation

2007-04-24T10:28:00.000-07:00

If the prospect of Jared handing out pieces from a 26.2 foot sub isn't enough to get me through the last few miles, I don't know what would.

Another Contest

2007-04-21T19:50:00.000-07:00

With just 179 hours until the start of the Eugene Marathon, it's time for the "Predict Paul's Finishing Time" contest. Leave your guess in the comments anytime before the start of the race. Winner gets a yet-to-be-determined prize. And of course, it's The Price Is Right style, so make sure you don't go over.

Marathon Update

2007-04-02T23:10:00.000-07:00

In list format, for the ADD set:

Updated training log here.
Weekly mileage last 6 weeks: 55, 51, 52, 57, 45, 53
Longest run: ~20.5 miles, ~2 hours 51 minutes.
Ran Mercer Island Half-Marathon on 3/25.
- Finishing time of 1:30:32 is 6:55 per mile, and a personal best by over 3 minutes.
I've registered for the Eugene Marathon on April 29th.
Goal Time: 3:10:59
Goal Pace: ~7:15/mile
Chance of achieving goal time: 50%
Empty beds available in my hotel room if anyone really wants to see Eugene, OR: 1.

Two Complaints about Google

2007-04-02T22:56:00.000-07:00

1. Last week I was trying to make a blog post. When I got to the Publish step, I typed in the letters from the captcha incorrectly. This brought to a page informing that Blogger couldn't tell if I was a human or a computer (they only want the former posting to blogs). Instinctively I hit the back button to go to the previous page and fix the mistake. However, something had timed out and instead of going back to my unpublished post, I ended up on a generic page, my post lost forever. This never happened before the XXXed out the "beta" part of the blogger logo. Apparently the non-beta version has two new features: Sign in with your gmail account, and lose all your data when you make a typo. Awesome.

2. To keep track of my marathon training, I created a spreadsheet on Google's free Docs & Spreadsheets service. I can edit it from work or home, and was also able to publish it for viewing by anyone. I missed, however, that the default for published spreadsheets is that only a snapshot of the document is published, rather than constantly being updated every time I made a change. Thus, while I thought everyone could check up on my progress the last two months, anyone who actually tried to do so would have been left with the impression that I had completely abandoned by trainig regime. Fortunately, there is an option to automatically republish the document (but, bizarrely, the only option is to republish every five minutes, rather than, say, anytime a change is made, which would seem to make more sense). But, the default wasn't what I expected.

Oddities

2007-02-20T12:55:00.000-08:00

Is it a bad sign when your tailor only takes cash, AND doesn't have change for a $20 (not to mention a cash register)? This may or may not be a front for some sort of Russian organized crime unit. I just hope the pants fit.

Paul's Progress

2007-01-31T23:50:00.000-08:00

I mentioned in my recent post on New Year's resolutions that I'm planning to run a marathon this year. I'm tentatively looking at a race in Mid-April, the Whidbey Island marathon. However, I'm now considering switching to the Eugene Marathon in Eugene, OR at the end of April. The Eugene course should be much flatter, and thus easier/faster than the Whidbey Island course.

So far the training has been going pretty well. I haven't gotten in quite as many miles as I was hoping this month, but my fitness level still seems to be progressing pretty well. I'm tracking my workouts in a spreadsheet, so if you're curious just how much I've been out pounding the pavement, check it out here. I'll post a new version every few weeks with the latest update.

Note that any reference to "marathon pace" in the log means about 7:15/mile, which works out to around 3:10 for the full race. That is my default goal, since it is the qualifying time required for the Boston Marathon.

Scene at the gym

2007-01-25T10:56:00.000-08:00

Is it just me, or is there some wrong with this warning that I read on a piece of exercise equipment:

Stop exercising immediately if you feel faint, experience pain or difficulty breathing.

Things you shouldn't do

2007-01-16T22:03:00.000-08:00

In the office building that I work in, there is a men's restroom with several sinks for washing your hands. You should not wash your feet in these sinks. If you need to wash your feet during the day, that's fine, but you should use the showers in locker room instead of the regular sinks.

At the gym that I go to, the locker room has little hooks next to the showers to hang your towel on while you are showering. You should not hang your dirty underwear from these hooks while you are showering.

Seriously.

A small prize will be awarded to the commenter with the best example of a thing you shouldn't do.

Another Top Ten List

2007-01-13T19:18:00.000-08:00

Paul's Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

10. Write more top-ten lists for this blog

9. Fwd email from Bill Gates to all my friends so I can finally get that $500 check.

8. Run a marathon (not Boston...yet)

7. Go the entire year without writing "2006" on any checks.

6. Come up with a name for this decade.

5. Entertain my loyal readers with more frequent and more entertaining blog posts, pictures, and website updates.

4. Work smarter, not harder.

3. Travel someplace new.

2. Remember that top-ten lists are supposed to get funnier towards the end and that this doesn't qualify.

1. Find last year's resolutions and see if I ended up doing any of them.

Supersize Me: The economics of going large

2007-01-13T18:37:00.000-08:00

My local movie theater offers popcorns in the following sizes:

Small	$4.75
Medium	$5.25
Large	$5.75

Recently, when I ordered a small, the cashier rebuttled with, "Would you like to make that a medium for just 50 cents more?" Sure, why not.
Whoa! Slow down a minute there. How can you possibly offer me twice as much popcorn for only fifty cents more? That doesn't seem to make sense.
Of course, the movie theater isn't the only place where you might encounter seemingly odd pricing schemes. Coldstone Creamery operates a chain of ice cream parlors where the friendly employee behind the counter similarly offers to upgrade you from a "Like It" (small) to a "Love It" (medium) (and don't get me started on companies who need to come up with new words and phrases to replace small/medium/large) for the low low price of only fifty additional cents. And, yup, you guessed it, you'll get about twice as much ice cream. What a steal!?
Full service sit-down restaurants seem to have incorpated this "gimmick" as well. At Maggiano's, you can get an order of Fettucine Alfredo for $15.95, of a half order for $12.95. Or a Roast Chicken for $16.95, half order just $13.95 (exact prices may vary).
Does any of this make sense? It would seem that one of two things is going on here:

The "Small" sizes are grossly overpriced.
Larger sizes are being offered at a discount.

But then again, maybe it's not that crazy after all. Let's take a look at the numbers in the Popcorn example.

You'll notice that using these numbers, the profit margin (in terms of percentages) is identical for the Small and Medium is an identical 400%. Of course, an identical percentage yields a higher total profit (and revenue) for the theater. So maybe we're not really getting ripped off by "just" ordering a small after all. Maybe it's just going to the movie theater in the first place that's a rip off. After all, a bag of microwave popcorn will probably only run you 25 cents or so at the grocery store.

Play around with the numbers and see how things changes when you change the assumptions. InstaCalc was built by a friend and former co-worker of mine, it's a cool and useful site.

[Edit: Fixed InstaCalc link, thanks anonymous commenter]

Eagerly Awaited

2007-01-07T01:04:00.000-08:00

Some Pictures From Paris

Location Location Location

2006-11-29T18:38:00.000-08:00

With all this wintery weather we're having around here this week, I'm thinking maybe I'll just sell my condo and buy a parking space somewhere where the entire city doesn't shut down because it's 25 degrees and 3 inches of snow fell.

Heads and Tails

2006-11-16T22:06:00.000-08:00

I had two meetings today.

In the first meeting, we had a couple different people presenting portions of a slide deck. At one point I noticed one of the presenters was talking a little quickly. Not so quickly that he seemed rushed, or that I couldn't understand - but fast enough so that a)I noticed it was a faster than normal pace and b)I didn't quite have time to read the slides being displayed on the screen because I was too busy listening. Thus, while I got all the salient points of the presentation, I found myself wishing it was a little slower.

In the second meeting, I was giving a presentation to a small group of co-workers. I don't give presentations very often. I tried to be conscious of pacing and not rush my speech of ramble on. A number of times I stopped for a moment to take a breath, and let everyone catch up or ask questions if they needed to. During these times, I found the silence rather awkward and felt compelled to jump right ahead with whatever came next.

I guess the best way to put yourself in someone else's shoes is to just go ahead and lace them up.

500 channels and nothing on

2006-11-16T21:59:00.000-08:00

This week's sign the Apocalypse is upon us: the other day, not only was "E True Hollywood Stories: The Sean 'Puffy' Combs story" the most compelling thing I could find on television, but I had already seen it.

And I don't watch much TV at all, really. I think I'd seen it a year or two ago when I was home for the holidays, during one of my "TV Comas".

E True Hollywood stories can't really hold up next to such popumentary luminaries as "Behind the Music" and "I Love the 80's". Maybe there are some new good sitcoms on? TV really hasn't been the same since May 14th, 1998, and it probably never will be.

Thoughts on Costco

2006-10-19T14:27:00.000-07:00

Why does Costco only accept American Express? I was under the impression that AmEx is actually more expensive for vendors to accept, so why the exclusivity? Someone must know this, or be more willing to look it up than I am.

The running joke is that a gallon of milk at Costco costs you $85, since you end up buying twenty pounds of beef, eight gallons of soda, a 96 pack of power bars, etc. Yet a few weeks ago I managed to get in and out spending only $1.30. Can you beat that?

Paul's Guide to Paris

2006-10-01T05:36:00.000-07:00

If you are planning/desiring to visit Paris, here is a little Q&A that might be of interest to you.

Q. Where should I stay?
A. It depends on what you're planning to do (and to spend) while you're there. We had a nice stay at Hotel Eiffel Rive Gauche (Left Bank Eiffel Hotel), which was reasonably priced at around 100euros/night. The room was small, but very nice and clean, and the staff was helpful, friendly, and spoke English. However, a location a bit further east, perhaps near Musee d'Orsay or the Jardin du Luxembourg, may be a better bet, as there is a higher concentration of interesting sites to visit in that area. The best bet of all, though, is something on top of a Metro stop. The city is walkable to some extent, but your feet will thank you for a quick ride on the 1.

Q. How do I get around the city.
A. A nice mix of walking and the Metro. Even at 1.40euro per trip, multiple Metro trips a day won't be that much of a hit on your money belt. There are about 12 lines that comprehensively criss-cross all over the city, but are very easy to navigate. The RER train ( for you Bostonians, RER : Metro :: Commuter Rail : T ) runs a bit further afield and can take you to/from places including Versailles and Charles de Gaulle airport, for a few euros more.

Q. Where can I get a good croissant in Paris?
A. That's like asking "Where can I get a Yankees Suck t-shirt near Fenway Park?" You'll find it hard to walk two blocks with passing a boulangerie or patisserie in most arrondisements. Stop in for a quick snack during the day (these establish seem to close up around 6:30-7:00PM).

Q. Do I need to learn French?
A. No, not really. Most people, at least those you as a tourist will be dealing with, understand/speak enough English for you to get by. However, learning a few key phrases before you is both fun and helpful. Asking for the location or the nearest restroom ("Ou est la toilette?") or Metro station ("Ou est le Metro"?). Just watch the pronunciation: "Ou est" is really "oooh A," sounding sort of like the Kingsmen singing 'Louie Louie.' If not, "parlez vous anglias" is perhaps the handiest phrase of all. Finally, it may be helpful to learn some food names, in case you end up at a cafe where the menu doesn't have subtitles (many do).

Q. I see dead people. What sites do you recommend I visit?
A. Pere Lachaise cemetery! You can visit the graves of Jim Morrison, Marcel Proust, Oscar Wilde, Moliere, and even the evidently-legendary Heloise and Abelard.

Q. I'm looking to sign an international peace treaty. Is Paris a good location for this?
A. Absolutely! You can follow in the footsteps of Woodrow Wilson and Georges Clemenceau (among others) by heading to the Chateau at Versailles. However, you should know that the hall of mirrors of partially under construction through next year.

Q. This Clemenceau guy you mentioned - where can I see a statue of him?
A.

I'm glad you asked - there is a large statue of Georges on the Champs Elysses, about halfway between the Arc de Triomphe (not to be confused with the smaller Arc de Triomphe du Carrousel located by the Louvre), and the Place de la Concorde (site of the infamous revolutionary-era guillotine). The statue is unofficially known as "Georges Going For a Walk on a Chilly Autumn Day in Paris." A statue of Charles de Gaulle, inventor of the airport, sits a few blocks to the West.

Q. Is it easy to blend in with the Parisians, or will it be obvious that I am a tourist?
A. When you walk around Boston, do you take pictures of the John Hancock building? Do you speak German to the waiters at Bertucci's? I didn't think so. That being said, it really doesn't matter, especially when the line of people waiting to go up Eiffel Tower can be seen from outer space.

Q. I have more questions about Paris, can I pose them to you?
A. Sure.

Upcoming Travel

2006-09-18T21:10:00.000-07:00

I'm off to Paris on Thursday! This will be first visit to France, my second to Europe (having visited Ireland in 2000), and the third stamp on my passport.
I'm looking forward to taking pictures of the Arc de Triomphe, eating chocolate croissants, and encountering anti-American sentiment. Should be a grand old time.

Restaurants

2006-09-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

My interests in the food industry occasionally spark the idea that I should start doing restaurant reviews for some of the places we frequent here in Seattle (and during vacations). As if this would be some sort of step towards being a celebrity chef (my fantasy land vocation, now that professional athlete no longer seems feasible). However, if you ever read any of the ridiculously brief "product reviews" on my possibly-now-defunct website, you're likely aware of my inability to articulate the pros and cons of such things, beyond a general thumbs up/thumbs down rating. Elementary school teachers acquainted with my book reports will attest to this as well. I was always more of a math guy.
That being said, for the benefit of those of you who may find yourself in Seattle looking for a proper place to dine, I'll mention a few places around town.

Pair: Pair is a tapas (or "Small Plates" for those of you afraid of foreign sounding things) restaurant near the University District. Personally I loved this place primarily because I was able to sample about 5 or 6 different dishes. All we're great, especially the fondue, and the amazing culatello (thank you Mr. Batali). It is a rather small place, tucked in to an old brick building, so if you're squeamish about sitting to close to your neighbors you may want to sit this one out. Three and a half stars.

See, even that short paragraph was more effort than I care to put into such an item.

I definitely recommend checking out Tom Douglas' restaurants. We recently visited Lola and Palace Kitchen, and both were impressive. The vegetable Tagine at Lola didn't quite hit the spot for me, but the pita & spreads were to die for. Palaca Kitchen's burgers lived up to the hype, but I'm still not ready to crown Best Burger In Seattle (If you have any suggestions, let me know!). Three stars each.

Crush, unsurprisingly, gets four stars. I decided to be adventurous and try a Pepper Tart that was offered as an appetizer. It was simply amazing, a perfect combination of textures and flavors. My entree was similarly impressive, complete with a variety of veggies. Even the drinks were creative and delicious - my Summer Sage Somethingorother was very cool and refreshing. Like pair, Crush is located in an old house (I believe there may even be seating on the second floor). That provided ample opportunities for entertaining up-close people watching: The guy who spent twenty minutes working over his cheese platter arguing with himself over which was his favorite, the nerd/hipster at the bar with the date who seemed old enough to be his mother, etc.

That's all for now!

Another Top Ten List

2006-09-14T21:00:00.000-07:00

Top Ten [Alleged] Reasons Paul Doesn't Blog [Much] Anymore

10. He actually blogs everything interesting that happens to him, there just isn't much of that going on.

9. Forgot the password to his blogger account.

8. Spends all his non-sleeping hours training for triathlons (or reading about them).

7. Too busy learning French for upcoming trip to Paris.

6. Can't come up with anything entertaining enough to satsisfy his highly demanding audience.

5. "Borrowed" wireless connection not working so well these days.

4. New job as CIA agent prohibits such activities.

3. Things just haven't been the same since we got cable.

2. Really busy with work these days.

1. He'd rather be sleeping.

Weekend Getaway

2006-09-02T01:28:00.000-07:00

Colleen and I are going on a spontaneous weekend getaway to a secret location. Here's the weather forecast:

Our accomodations are currently ruled over by Albert II, the latest in a line of rulers from the House of Grimaldi.

Something for Nothing

2006-07-20T14:46:00.000-07:00

I was already a little overheated and dehydrated when I headed out for an easy jog after work yesterday - it was very hot out and I'd biked home from work. As I rounded a corner on the hilly side streets of our lamely named NorKirk neighborhood, I came upon a group little girls who looked to be closing up some sort of lemonade stand. I was already preparing my valid "I don't have any money" excuse, when they called out and asked if I'd like a free drink. "Free?" I questioned. "Yes! We have--," "Do you have water?" I asked, interrupting their menu recitation. I stopped, and they handed me a bottle of ice cold spring water of their cooler. "Why are you giving away drinks for free?" I asked, surpised at both my good fortune and their generosity. "It's the end of the day," one of them answered, "we already made too much money." She pointed at the cigar box her friend held, which served as their cash register. Who knew there was such a thing?

Laying Brick

2006-06-02T15:20:00.000-07:00

This showed up in my inbox (again - I received an identical letter a few months back). Is this for real? Will I be blackballed for posting this?
------

Dear Sir,

I am contacting you on behalf of The Harvard Lodge; the oldest Masonic
Academic Lodge in the Country. Your name was provided to our
Membership Committee by an existing member of the Lodge who considers
you to be a person of the highest caliber.

Over the summer and early next fall the Lodge will be hosting a number
of events so that we both can learn more about each other. Should you
wish to be informed of these events please respond to this e-mail so
that our membership committee can see to it, that the proper
invitations are extended.

If you do not know much about The Harvard Lodge, below is a brief
introduction.

The Harvard Lodge was founded in 1922 by the then Dean of the Law
School, Roscoe Pound. We are made up of approx. 350 members from
around the globe. We meet once a month, to discuss the business before
the Lodge, and also to instruct new members throughout the various
stages of initiation. On an annual basis, the majority of our members
return to Cambridge for our Annual Dinner.

The Lodge is a very tight knit group of people, in essence we are an
extended family, and are very cautious as to whom we consider for
membership. In addition, ultimately we will never ask you to join, you
must ask us.

Our Lodge is one of the youngest in the Country ranging in age from
18-111, with the median about 30. The Lodge has a good number of young
professionals, to share your experiences with, and have a strong sense
of camaraderie with. Do you remember that feeling during your freshman
year of college, when you could just walk down the hall and hang out and
talk to your buddies about anything.... that is the feeling here... we
are constantly on the phone with each other, and in each others
company. The longer you are out of school the more you will miss that,
and the more you will appreciate your Fraternity brothers. This I can
assure you.

I personally attend every meeting of The Harvard Lodge. I live in
Manhattan, and 5 or 6 of my buddies, who are also members of the Lodge
travel to Boston to attend the monthly meetings. We turn our trip into
a mini-vacation, and usually spend the weekend.

The Masonic Fraternity does a great deal of charity work, but we don't
seek "a pat on the back" for doing the right thing. If someone is in
need, and we can help, we do. As a whole, on a national basis, the
Fraternity donates $3.5 million a day to charity, that's well over a
Billion dollars a year.

Currently, The Harvard Lodge itself is involved in 2 major projects, the
first being the Angel Fund, which supports local Cambridge Schools.
When a child has a need, that either the parents or the school cannot
meet. We step in, and within 24 hours make sure the child is taken
care of. From wheel chairs, to musical instruments, summer camp to
winter coats, gym equipment to medical equipment. We do it all...

The next project is a bit more ambitious, and is still in the works. We
are in the early phase of planning for the entire childhood inoculation
for the country of Belize. Despite being a former British
protectorate, the country lacks the ability to properly care for
childhood diseases ... as such, we wish to take it upon ourselves, to
see what it is that we can do to help. Belize is a great place to
start. Belize is small enough country to be manageable, as well as
being an English speaking country, so communication is not a barrier.
Once we get Belize off the ground, it may be possible to expand in both
South America and Africa.

Although the actual origins of Freemasonry are clouded in the mists of
antiquity, it is widely agreed that Masonry dates back to the late
fourteenth century and flourished during the middle ages when guilds of
Masons traveled throughout Europe building the great Gothic cathedrals.
Apprentices were taken in and taught the craft by Master Masons who
passed on the secrets of the trade. As building declined, the guilds
began to accept members who were not actually stone Masons. From these
roots evolved Masonry, as we know it today.

Ritual, that is, the initiation of candidates conducted within each
lodge has been the same work that’s been done for hundreds and hundreds
of years. Every Mason, on earth, has been lead through the same
traditions and instructed in the same mysteries and secrets of
Freemasonry. But, make no mistake Freemasonry is not a secret
organization. If it were, our buildings would not be easily
identifiable and our members would not wear rings and other jewelry
with the familiar square & compasses emblem.

The principles of Freemasonry, Brotherly Love, Relief and Truth inspired
the founders of this nation. Today, we recognize these principals as the
Cornerstones of the American way of life. Early American Masons such as
George Washington, John Hancock, Paul Revere, Prince Hall, Benjamin
Franklin and many others were members of the Brotherhood of Freemasons.
Together they deliberately incorporated Masonic principles into the most
important founding documents of this country. May they long endure, for
they are our true security.

Again, if you would like to learn more, please respond to this e-mail,
and we will be in touch.

Sincerely,

The Membership Committee

On Not Getting It

2006-03-24T19:40:00.000-08:00

It's time for a round of the popular game, "What They Say/What They Mean."

Today's case study covers a common scenario that many of you will be able to relate to you. Especially those of you who a) work for a medium or large company or b) went to College or c) have an email address. I'll provide a conversation, in case an email thread, and then offer a translation of what each person really meant.

From: ManagerA
To: PersonW, PersonX, PersonY, Paul
Subject: ArbitraryTask
Hello Team,
ManagerB is waiting on us for projectN. Please send me a status report. We should meet soon.

What ManagerA means:
I am micromanaging because you are all incompetent.

From: Paul
To: ManagerA
Subject: Re: ArbitraryTask
Hi ManagerA, I think you actually meant to send this to PersonZ. Thanks.

What Paul Means:
I'm not sure how someone so incompetent became a manager in the first place, but PLEASE try to improve your outlook skills to the point where you can send mail solely to the intended recipients. Yes it's trivial for me to delete this mail, but hopefully by sending this note I can avoid receiving unnecessary emails from you in the future

From: ManagerA
To: Paul
Subject: ArbitraryTask
Hi Paul,
Thanks, you are right, I meant to send the original mail to PersonZ. Sorry about the mixup!

What he means:
In addition to being incompetent, I have no capacity for the understanding the subtext of emails such as the one you just sent me. I will take no corrective action, and I will continue to send you mails which in the future which will clutter your inbox and further prove my profound stupidity.

Wash.
Rinse.
Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

The Post You've All Been Waiting For

2006-03-24T11:13:00.000-08:00

Despite still not having received my electronically direct deposited tax refund, I've picked a winner for the Tax Refund Contest.
Despite a tempting suggestion from Adele that I spend the money on booze and/or candy, as well as a number of other competitive entries, I've selected the following entry, from my Dad, as the winner:

I highly recommend you opt to touch many lives in the Boston
area by donating your surplus $100.00 to the St Anthony 2006
Franciscan Campaign at Arch Street Shrine. It is far too simple for
all of us to look the other way at those in dire straits. Everyday
comforts become so ingrained that we often neglect to understand
the plight of the poor. Many groups are overlooked by government
programs especially if they are not important voting blocks. The
Franciscans of Arch Street endeavor to help all those in need. The
programs they provide consist of a Wellnes Center, Senoirs programs,
Kids programs, and providing honorable burials for the "Unwanted Dead"
The Friars serve the community and ask nothing of the Boston Archdiocese.
A donation here I believe would help far more than a dinner or a little extra
spending money for those of us who really do not need it as much as
others.

As soon as the IRS sees fit to give me back what I owe, I too will be giving something back. If this strikes a chord with your Bostonian roots as well, I urge you to do the same.

Paul complains, criticizes critically acclaimed blogs

2006-03-16T22:50:00.000-08:00

Being myself neither an authority on the English language, nor a perfect speaker/writer thereof, I try to limit my linguistic complaints. However if you didn't mean to say that, I'm fairly certain you did it "by accident," not "on accident." Professor Paul Brians agrees. (I would have preferred a more authoratative figure, say a Harvard Prof, but I'm sure they have better things to do that create online references to help satisfy my need to be right all the time).
Secondly, French, Spanish, Italian, Romanian and Portugese are Romance Languages, not Romantic Languages. Despite "American Women Studying in Europe" finding Italian to be intoxicating, taxonomically speaking, it is a Romance language, not a Romantic one.

I have been continually reminded recently that I have not yet posted the results of The Contest. While perusing Forbes' list of - what else - the best food blogs, I was again reminded of said failure to post by the title of the most recent post in Cooking With Amy. [note: Her blog doesn't seem to offer links directly to individual entries - I refer to the March 16th entry entitled "Contest Winners."] But the urge to be myself - and by myself I mean hyper-critical and negative - has for the moment uprooted my devotion to my fan base and their thirst for contest results. Amy poses the following question:

What's the signature pizza in Boston?
A. Pepperoni
B. Clam and Garlic
C. Mozzarella and Basil
D. Lobster Marinara

First of all, what exactly defines "signature" in this context. Having grown up in Boston, I wasn't aware Boston had any "signature" pizza. A signature chowder, yes. Signature beans, sure. But pizza? I mean, the Regina in the North End makes a mean pie, the defunct European did as well, and the sicilian style slices at Pinocchio's are pretty unbeatable, especially when used to soak up all that alcohol at 1:59 on a, well, whatever night you've decided to define as "the new Saturday." But seriously people, when you read that question were any of you thinking B? Because that's what Amy says is the answer. It reminded me of one of those Trivial Pursuit questions where you hear the first half of the question (e.g. How many feet deep is the Amazon river at the point where it is joined by the Rio Negro) and you think "Dear God I hope there are some multiple choice options. And of course there are because who except some Brazilian tribesman with a really long measuring stick would possibly know that. But then you hear the choices (200 feet, 300 feet or 400 feet?) and you've narrowed your choices from infinitely many to three but in reality you're still just guessing (it's 300 by the way). I've never even seen Clam and Garlic pizza on a menu. Where do they come up with this stuff?

For my final trick, I'll be criticizing someone else who is used to turning them, Jessica Cutler, a.k.a The Washingtonienne. Breaking journalistic ground (or not, actually) by offering her opinion on something she knows nothing about, Ms. Culter recently criticized Neil Strauss' recent book, The Game. Using the old "judge a book by its cover" trick, Ms. Cutler slams Strauss' work as an unnecessary and misguided pick-up guide. While The Game does mention a number of the "techniques" used by Strauss' mentors (and later, his protoges), it actually has a lot more to offer. It's interesting for all the reasons you wanted to take Psych 101. It details the cut throat competition between a number of key players (no pun intended) in the niche "teaching guys how to pick up women" market. Scarily the book reveals the powerful effects that some of the [perhaps ethically questionable] hypnosis-style techniques developed by the likes of Ross Jeffries can have on the human mind. Shockingly, Strauss reveals that after honing his skills, he and his comrades discovered it was easier to "pick up" a woman who had been married for several years than one who was single, and that a woman with a boyfriend was more likely to sleep with them the night they met than to give up her phone number. Ms. Cutler's advice to men to buy a woman drinks "until drunken sex in the men's room ensues." This isn't really surprisingly advice coming from someone who openly admits to being, not just easy, but a glorified prostitute. But maybe she's right. Maybe it's not that difficult. Or least, it wouldn't be if everyone were more like her.
And when you think about, isn't that what we all want? Who hasn't thought to themselves that the world would be a better place, if everyone were more like them? I know I have. And I know you have too.

Progress

2006-03-14T00:43:00.000-08:00

I'd like to thank everyone that has expressed any interest and concern in my recovery from my recent surgery. This morning I had a ridiculously short follow-up appointment with Dr. Horton, who, despite having not hear a "Who!" comfirmed that I a)am skinny, b) have no subcutaneous fat, c)am recovering well from my surgery, d) no longer have a a hernia and e) can't lift anything over 30 lbs for the next 3 weeks but f)am free to return to moderate exercise provided it is comfortable.

Eddie Murphy on Marrriage/Divorce

2006-03-14T00:42:00.000-08:00

If you had $5.00, and you had to give someone $2.50, you'd be upset...

on the table and screaming

2006-03-05T22:08:00.000-08:00

Immobility is, to me, one of life's most frustrating hurdles. Rarely has it reared it's head in my fortunate existence, the most recent - and devestating - having been a severely herniated disk in my back acquired on or around July 4th, 2004. Was Larry's boat really at fault? Perhaps. I see nowhere else to throw the blame. Months of agony from simple acts of walking around or leaning over to wash my face were to follow. Visits to an orthpedic surgeon and an insanely loud MRI machine lead to the revelation of the source of my pain. And the unfortunate analysis that basically nothing but time itself would help heal the injury. Overly dramatic diagnoses that I would "never run again" were fortunately misguided.

In recent months I started to develop more obvious symptoms of an injury I had had for quite some time. A sharp pain the lower abdomen after a big meal. A strained groin/abdominal muscle during an uphill running session. A seemingly unending dull pain in my right testiscle, as if someone were dangling a silver dollar from it. I had noted mild discomfort in this area months, of not years, earlier, but it had always subsided rather quickly. This time, it didn't seem to be going away.

Thanks to the scarily large quanitity of medical information available on the internet, I was able to rapidly diagnos my own condition as an inguinal hernia, a slight tear in the muscles of the abdominal wall. A small muscle tear - calf, hamgstring, shoulder, etc., had never worried me much in the past. But this was different. Hernias, I read, never healed on their own, and only got worse over time. A saw my general practitioner to get his take on the matter, then consulted a specialist at Swedish Hospital in Seattle. Both confirmed everything I already thought I knew. Not wanting to take any chances, I scheduled a surgery for March 3rd, since I had been previously advised by Colleen that I wasn't allowed to have any procedures performed on my before February 26th (In order, I later learned, to avoid ruining the Las Vegas Birthday Experience).

Surgery turns out to be quite the assembly line. I interacted with no less than ten people who worked at the hospital in my brief 2 hours of conciousness there. Most were quite pleasant, and I was thankful that the couple in the curtained off area directly next to mine in the pre-surgery waiting room spoke only Korean. While there is a morbid curiousity about what all these other people are 'in for,' I've learned that some things are best left unsaid.

The experience felt like a death march of sorts, being lead in full hospital regalia (including slippers!) by various middle aged women with various handicaps that prevented them from walking normally. The anaesthesiologist looked at me slightly disappointedly after taking my health history, realizing I was fine, and informing that, unfortunately, "It sounds like we're going to have to operate on you." Dr. Horton reassured me about the simplicity of the procedure before I was marched down to the refrigerator they refer to as OR4. I don't even really remember dozing off, just acknowledging that I was in fact starting to feel a little dizzy and felt the room spinning very slowly.

Upon waking up, I was offered a muffin, some apple juice, and shortly thereafter, my own clothes to change back into. I had less trouble walking and standing than I thought I would, but that was partially because I was still heavily medicated. Colleen picked me up and delivered me home, where I've alternated taking pain medicine, drinking chocolate milk, and attempting to walk around a little bit for the last 60 hours. She's taken better care of me than I normally take of myself, and I'm hoping to just sleep through the day tomorrow while she's away at work. All in all recovery seem to be going okay. I haven't taken any pain meds for the last 10 hours and it's pretty bearable. Lying down seems to be the most comfortable, standing still the least. I'm hoping walking gets easier in a day or two. I'll keep you posted.

Reminder

2006-02-27T16:30:00.000-08:00

Don't forget about The Contest. There's been a surprisingly low number of submissions and I may have to cancel due to lack of interest.
NB: Multiple submissions *are* allowed.

Good day.

Abuse

2006-02-15T22:41:00.000-08:00

Top Ten Cell Phone Abuses:

10. Talking while driving... and you have exactly one passenger
9. Using you phone's web browser to comment on your friend's MySpace page while they are sitting next to you
8. Answering a call in a movie theater... In the middle of the movie
7. Letting it go to voice mail. Pick up the phone and take care of business.
6. Leaving useless voicemails. I know it's you. I know you want me to call you back. Tell me something I don't know.
5. Not recognizing your own ringtone
4. Authoring work-related email from a bar
3. Anything involving a bathroom stall
2. Text messages
and the number one cell phone abuse:
1. Answering your phone at the dinner table.

Traffic Pirates

2006-02-08T19:13:00.000-08:00

Many years ago, I went through a brief period where I actually had marginal interest in computer games, such as Sim City. The brevity of this phrase may have been due to my lack of adeptness at such games. One facet of the game I remember in particular is that the "City" you build puts out a regular newspaper, highlighting the cities development, as you progress through the game. At the time, I thought the newspaper was just a randomly generated distraction with meaningless content. One headline in particular seemed to appear over and over again every time I would play. The headline was "Survey: Trouble Getting Around." It wasn't until years later I learned that this was intended to be taken as an imperative for me to build more roads. It was just like when Clara Clayton turns the knob on her telescope and "everything becomes clear."
Traffic, or driving and in general, seems to be second only to weather in terms of its universal nature as both an annoyance and a topic of conversation. In fact, in Seattle, it may even surpass weather, as the remarkable consistency of the weather here (eight and a half months of 45 degrees and a light rain, followed by three and a half months of partly cloudy and 76 degrees) tends to numb the brain, both to the weather itself, the discussion thereof.
Overhearing a recent hallway conversation about traffic, I remembered my drive-time analysis of Seattle's traffic. The number one complaint - and cause of highway annoyance - is the phenomenon called "Two People Driving Right Next To Each Other At Exactly The Same Speed." Now, if Seattle were a normal, modernized city, this would only be a minor annoyance since speedier drivers could switch to a third lane to pass the offending vehicles. But NOOOOOO, somewhere along the line, someone decided that SR-520, the principle roadway into and out of Redmond, connecting the Eastside to downtown Seattle, is effectively a two lane road. This means 50% more drivers need to be continually slowing down to accomodate traffing merging on or off the roadway. It means the Two Car phenomen can back up hundreds or thousands of cars to a 47 MPH crawl when they would otherwise be cruising along at 70. And this isn't certainly not restricted to rush hour. I've personally been stuck behind such tenderfooted driver pairs at all hours of the day and night on this travesty of a road. I can only imagine the pain of sitting in bumper to bumper traffic here on a daily basis, knowing that it would all be speeded up tremendously if the all-too-polite typical Seattle driver would just step on the gas and merge a little bit faster where the carpool lane ends just before the Evergreen Point Bridge. As for me, I'll stick with the backroads from K-town to Corp.
Another place I've spent a lot of time - though again not as much as some others - just hanging around waiting is Walt Disney World. Though roller coaster type rides have always been at the top of my list, old favorites such as The Pirates of the Caribbean were always a must for our family's quasi-annual pilgrimages to Orlando. Suckers for tradition, we were always disappointed when our old standby's were surrounded by so much plywood and the seemingly omnipresent "This Attraction Is Being Refurbished For Your Future Enjoyment" sign. Alas it seems even the Pirates couldn't last forever, as Hollywood box office success has prompted an update for this 'Attraction.' I'm not sure exactly why, but I was very disappointed at hearing this news. Does Disney really need to beef up their rides to make the hard sell on DVDs and other merchandise? Isn't there something to be said for nostalgia? Just like how people love to drop that old cliche that "The book is better than the movie," I think the ride is as well. While reminiscing about the ride - the scene with the dog holding the keys to the jail cell was always my favorite - I remembered the part where the Pirates yell out "We Want The Redhead!" As a youngster I thought they might be coming to get me, but now I have a better understanding of what's going on. In this article Michael Barrier describes the pervasive overtones of sex and death in Disney rides, which in this case can only be overlooked if "you believe that the pirates are enthusiastic about the beautiful redhead because they've heard she's a good cook." And we all know that's not true.

Spam today, comedy tomorrow

2006-02-06T17:35:00.000-08:00

For a while, I thought I was getting a lot of spam from some sort of misspelled Chinese fashion accessory business. But I've recently realized that "Ming Jewls" is not actually a vendor of any product - rather, it is my spam-receiving alter-ego. Through fault of either database corruption or perhaps intentional, though really strange, malice on someone else's part, one of my many email addresses has been matched up with this unusual moniker. Now, I don't actually read spam emails. I only know this because I get an inordinate number that address my alter ego by name in their subject line. Here are some recent "gems":

Ming Jewls, find singles in your area looking for some fun
Ming Jewls, Get the funds you need quickly
Ming Jewls, Find the lowest prices on 05 and 06 cars
Ming Jewls, $250 Abercrombie Gift Card

Rather odd, don't you think? At least they are offering a variety of services, it's good to have some range.

The Blog Hump and The Big Game

2006-02-05T13:20:00.000-08:00

My blog posts have been described as many things, from "BEST. THING. EVER." to "boring/dorky." But perhaps the most accurate adjective would be sporadic, as I occasionally most multiple times in short periods, but also tend to go for weeks at a time without saying anything. In my mind, there is a direct correlation between how long it has been since my last post, and how fascinating my next one needs to be. As a result "I haven't posted in a while" becomes a sort of self-fulfilling prophesy. However, a friend recently urged me to get over this misguided notion and just post whatever, whenever. So in a very George Costanza-esque "Do the opposite" mentality, I'm going to try and prevent long periods of silence by intentionally posting "boring" items. Here are a few boring things for your [un]entertainment.
1. The last piece of the chocolate cake I made last weekend is on my counter. It's sort of stale.
2. I started watching Howard Stern's movie, Private Parts last night, but I didn't finish it.
3. The air freshener in my car is sort of gross, it smells like cinnamon, but nastier.
4. At work they have these signs in the bathroom that say "Protect your system against viruses. Wash your hands."
5. Broadway Grill has pretty good onion rings, but not as good as Claimjumper.
6. I bought some hot wings to bring to a Superbowl party.

Speaking of... I was thinking about the Superbowl on my way home a few minutes ago. I think there is something to be learned about attention span and singularity from the Superbowl. It brings even the most marginal of sports fans out of the woodwork and gets them excited. People all around the country - thousands of miles from Seattle or Pittsburgh - are throwing huge parties centered around this once-a-year event. I believe it is the fact that the game represents the entire football season rolled into one several hour event that causes its huge popularity. What else do we have that is like that? The only analogous thing I can think of would be New Year's Eve, where we reminisce about the past year and look forward to the next, all in one evening. Things like the World Series, the Olympics, and other multi-day/week events just can't capture the nation's (or world's) attention for their entirety. The opening ceremonies are cool, and it's fun to watch some short track speed skating, but does anyone really care about curling, or the ski jump, or the biathlon? But by focusing all the attention into one single event, creating a microcosm of the sport, the popularity of football is, for one day, all anyone is talking about.

The Contest

2006-02-05T02:18:00.000-08:00

Today I'm announcing the first (annual?) PaulSpeaks Tax Refund Contest.

After receiving my W2 and 1098 forms in the mail a few days ago, I did some back of the envelope calculations to see how things are shaping up. Thanks to the ludicrous amount of my monthly income that gets redirected towards interest on my mortgage, my AGI will be significantly lower than estimated by the folks in the payroll department. For me, that means a decent size check. For everyone else, it means an opportunity.

Here's how the contest works. I'm allocating $100 of my refund to the prize pool. To enter the contest, send an email to me at paulm1@gmail.com describing, in 100 words or less, how the money should be used. Should I donate it to your favorite charity? Should I take you out to dinner? Should I buy you a new pair of shoes? Should I give $5 to 20 different people? The possibilities are endless.

The contest will run for 4 weeks, meaning all entries must be received by March 6th. Feel free to submit multiple entries! Again, to enter, send me an email with "Tax Refund Contest" as the subject. I reserve the right to reprint all or part of any entry. Results will be published as soon as judging has been completed, which will of course depend on the number of entries received. So put on your thinking caps, and let the games begin.

Quiz Time

2006-01-29T21:39:00.000-08:00

The Presidential Quotation Quiz.
Who said it, John F. Kennedy or George W. Bush?
(Answers are posted in the Comments section)

A child miseducated is a child lost.
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
America is a Nation with a mission - and that mission comes from our most basic beliefs. We have no desire to dominate, no ambitions of empire. Our aim is a democratic peace - a peace founded upon the dignity and rights of every man and woman.
We are not against any man-or any nation-or any system-except as it is hostile to freedom.
We will build new ships to carry man forward into the universe, to gain a new foothold on the moon and to prepare for new journeys to the worlds beyond our own.

What's the difference?

2006-01-13T15:30:00.000-08:00

I like yogurt. Similar to orange juice, I prefer not to have little bits of stuff in it, so I prefer flavors like vanilla, lemon, orange creme, etc. Tillamook, my favorite brand (perfect consistency!) makes a "Vanilla" flavor and also a "French Vanilla Bean" flavor. The latter has a significantly better flavor. Why would you make two different vanilla flavors? If one is flavored by real vanilla beans (from France?), what on earth is flavoring the other one? What's the difference between them? Inform Me!

A Cause for Collars?

2006-01-08T17:09:00.000-08:00

You learn something new every day. Today's exciting todo list brought me to the Kirkland Public Library. I needed to return a few books. While there, I headed over to the magazine rack and checked out the latest issue of Esquire, one of my usual travel magazines that I haven't read for a while. I flipped to an issue on men's suits. I'm not sure what it is about article's on such topics that interests me. I'm sure if I was actually required to don a suit on a daily basis I would quickly tire of it, but something about the fact that I can't (lest I me bet with stares and questions about why I was so dressed up) causes some odd fascination with the subject. One little tidbit of information caught me eye. The author suggested seeking lapel notches places high on the lapel of your suit jacket, up towards your shoulders. The ideal location would be such that if you were to 'close' the jacket (by 'unfolding' the collar and lapel), the notches would meet around your Adam's apple. But why? Well, evidently people actually used to do this with their jackets in order to keep the cold out, as the article put it. Fascinating. And all this time I assumed that collars/lapels were purely decorative, much like ties. Of course I then got to wondering if ties themselves served some purpose beyond the ornamental, but that seems unlikely. Interestingly, the up-wearing of collars (typically on shirts, not jackets) has been somewhat of a "fashion trend" recently. An awful one, but a trend nonetheless. Awful because, well, no one I know seems to think it's actually a good look, and because it demonstrates that some noticeable segment of society doesn't understand the difference between uniqueness and comformity.
As I was leaving the library, it was a bit chillier than when I entered as the rain had kicked up a notch. A light drizzle had also started. I turned up my lapel and collar to keep the cold out, and headed for home.

Greener Greens

2005-12-19T23:15:00.000-08:00

I'm back :)

Today I've got another cooking story for you. I've started to cook my vegetables the way Thomas Keller does them. So far I've only tried it with broccoli, but it should work with other vegetables. I just don't really know any other vegetables besides carrots. [Side note - what other vegetables do people eat? maybe string beans? All I ever buy is carrots and broccoli].

Before getting to the actual technique, I will discuss a few relevant issues. The first is salt. You may know that I generally try to limit salt usage. Not because I don't like salt, but because i think salt is typically overdone, and people are just enjoying something because it tastes like salt. This technique uses a fair amount of salt for my taste, but i think it's not overbearing and really serves its true purpose of bringing out the inherent flavors in the vegetable. The second issue here is what would best be called complexity. This is certainly not a difficult technique - it's super easy - but it requires slightly more attention than steaming - my previous default veggie cooking style - and also requires an extra bowl. But it's certainly doable.

Enough chit chat, let's cook.

First you need to get a big pot of salt water going at a rolling boil. How much water depends on how much broccoli you have. I do around 4-6 cups for like 1.5 cups of broccoli (these are just rough estimates). The reason for having a good amount of water is to have enough energy in the system that when you throw the veggies in, the water stays at a boil and cooks the veggies FAST. Keller actually makes people start all over if he sees them add the veggies to the water and the water stops boiling.
Now the second question is, how much salt do you use. Use a lot more than you usually add to your water when cooking pasta. I probably use 2-3 tablespoons or so in a quart of water. The water should actually taste salty, not just 'contain salt.'

Now you've got your water going, toss in your chopped broccoli. It will cook very quickly, roughly 2 minutes or so, but you'll have to experiment to see what works for you and your tastes. On the side, have a big bowl of ice water ready. Scoop out the veggies (I use a big strainer that I have) and plunge them in the cold water to stop the cooking. Don't leave them in too long or they will get cold. Drain, season, and serve. I season with a little pepper and garlic powder. Yumm.

Friday post (illustrated even! (sort of))

2005-11-04T18:24:00.000-08:00

Seems like I'm turning into more of an editor than an author, simple reposting existing web content and commenting on it. But hey, you're still glad to hear from me, aren't you?

First, some items of interest I've found lately. According to this study Seattle is the best city in the country for dating. Things aren't as glum here as some of my peers seem to think, but I will say that there is at least one thing (hover for quote) they forgot to factor in.

Anyone who has been to my place lately knows I'm doing my best to maintain an aesthetically pleasing sense of style, at least in my living room decor.
I'm not sure how well it fits in with my style, but Hidden Doors is just too cool for words. I have a small degree of hatred for my sliding closet doors, which never quite slide over far enough for me to see a reasonable amount of my closet at the same time. How awesome would it be to replace them will hinged bookshelves? I've always had a fondness for the whole built-in library look (think Meet Joe Black) I don't think it would be quite as elegant a look, but I'm fascinated by the concept nonetheless. I heard about Hidden Doors over at Luxist, which is one my favorite blogs. It's sort of a trendwatcher for cool things that I can't afford.

That's about all I've got for today. This weekend is puzzlehunt, so I'll be taking a break from my usual weekend exploits and cooping up in a conference room and staring at sheets of paper with seemingly unrelated words on them. Should be a lot of fun and I think we'll do pretty well this time. We have a bunch of new people (including 2 added as recently this week since a couple people dropped out on me at the last hour), but overall I think we've upgraded (though losing DaveFet was a bummer...). Funny puzzlehunt related story - The powers that be sent an email saying they'd arranged a "sponsorship" with Quiznos, and they'd be offering us a 15% discount and free delivery all weekend. Wow, that's great, right? Then Erin pointed us in the direction of This Quizno's coupon which is a much better deal. Thanks for playing puzzlehunt, putter-onners. Maybe next time.

Reason #37 that Paul doesn't like going to the Dentist

2005-11-03T09:24:00.000-08:00

I'm not supposed to eat for another half an hour, but I'm hungry because I haven't had breakfast yet.

Halloween

2005-10-30T16:50:00.000-08:00

OK Halloween isn't until tomorrow, but I went to a couple Halloween parties with some friends last night. It was quite a night, as we headed out around 7PM and didn't get home till after 4 (or 5 if you don't factor in turn-back-the-clock).

Friday Post

2005-10-28T12:03:00.000-07:00

Since it's Friday, and I don't get to dress any more casually than I usually do (well I could, but PJ's aren't really my thing...), so instead I take a more casual approach to being productive. Instead of filling up my precious downtime by whining about how other people don't blog often enough, I thought I'd post something myself.

First, in science news, I've come across some interesting tests online that look at how your brain works. The first test determines to what extent your brain exhibits male or female traits. The second test rates your ability to determine if people's smiles of real or fake. It's harder than you might think. 'Scientists' have some rather mundane theory that our brains are programmed to NOT be able to judge people's actual emotions based on their facial expressions so that people will get along better. Come on, scientists, I think my nephew could have come up with that one.

In other news, I actually have a halloween costume this year, for probably the first time in about 15 years. You'll have to wait to see the pictures though.

In sports news, I've started swimming a couple of times a week at the gym. Maybe if I keep it up, I'll think about doing a triathlon next spring. My excuse has always been that I'm terrible at swimming, but I'm definitely getting better now. Once I get that down, my new excuse will be that I need a road bike, since my current bike is more of a mountain bike-ish concoction, and not a very advanced one at that.

Stay classy, readers.

Formatting

2005-10-21T22:19:00.000-07:00

Wow, that previous post, while highly entertaining and exquisitely written, destroyed Blogger's beautiful layout of this very webpage.
That reminds me of something I was reading about blogging recently. It said that having a blog on LiveJournal, Blogger, etc, will very soon be the equivalent of having a geocities webpage, or an aol/yahoo/hotmail email address. Namely, that you aren't nearly as savvy as your purport to be by having an online presence in the first place. Legitimate blogs should be hosted on a 'legitimate' site, such as a news site, your own personal homepage etc., in order to enhance their credibility. But I have plenty of credibility so I'm not really concerned

The reason the first item reminded me of the article is that I found it rather disappointing that blogger couldn't handle some extra large graphic, or some oddly formatted html from an awful quiz webpage. On the other hand, maybe the page still looks fine to you and it's just my relatively small monitor that squeezing things around.

Is this worth blogging about? sure why not

2005-10-21T22:13:00.000-07:00

Like most people, I believe myself to be rather funny. However, unlike most people, I actually am funny. And cocky, but that's a different story. I'm usually rather averse to these inane "quizes" that people most online, but one had gotten my attention a few times lately: The 3 Variable funny test. I've seen various people post their results in blogs, myspace profiles, etc., etc. It's interesting that the test sort of assumes everyone is funny, as it doesn't measure whether or not you are funny or how funny you are, but rather, in what ways you are funny. So, for those of you who I've been keeping entertained all these years, here's a highly unscientific breakdown of just why, exactly, you find me so hilarious.

the Ham

(38% dark, 42% spontaneous, 21% vulgar)

your humor style:
CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | LIGHT

Your style's goofy, innocent and feel-good. Perfect for parties and for the dads who chaperone them. You can actually get away with corny jokes, and I bet your sense of humor is a guilty pleasure for your friends. People of your type are often the most approachable and popular people in their circle. Your simple & silly good-naturedness is immediately recognizable, and it sets you apart in this sarcastic world.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Will Ferrell - Will Smith

The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -

If you're interested, try my latest: The Terrorism Test

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 19% on darkness

You scored higher than 41% on spontaneity

You scored higher than 12% on vulgarity

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

I have to say, I'm quite flattered at the comparison to Will Ferrell, and surprised at the reference to Will Smith, though I did watch The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air when I was younger. At least they didn't say I enjoy his musical outspout.

Mexico pictures are up

2005-10-17T22:59:00.000-07:00

See them here.

Enjoy!

Lesson Learned

2005-10-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

Last weekend i went to Mexico. Before the trip, I was trying to get people to go with me, but no one wanted to, or was able to make it. In particular, I was a little disappointed that I didn't have a female companion to take with me.
It turned out to be OK, as I had a great time anyway, and I'd never traveled alone before.

At the Inn I stayed at, there were a few other groups of people vacation as well. There were three or four couples, and a group of about ten older guys, mostly from LA. It seemed like a core group of 4-5 friends, and each had invited some other friends. One thing that was really striking to me was how the group of guys seemed to be having a WAY better time than all the couples that were there.

So, the lesson of the day was that taking vacations with friends should not be overlooked. Theoretically I should have already known this, since I've taken a bunch of vacationsn with friends (Vegas + Whistler, twice each), and they've all been amazing. But sometimes I'm a slow learner.

public

2005-09-14T13:07:00.000-07:00

Microsoft finally made a public announcement/unveiling of the next version of Office, so now you can see what I've been working on for the last two years.

introductions

2005-09-14T13:03:00.000-07:00

Again, I would just like to mention that it would be really nice if you could TELL ME WHO YOU ARE when you come to my office to ask me a question and I have NEVER seen you before in my life.

Unrelated note: For goodness sake, could we all start walking on the RIGHT HAND SIDE of the hallway? Come on people, it's not that complicated.

Paul Travels

2005-09-11T21:55:00.000-07:00

Exciting News! Jet Blue will be starting non-stop flights to Boston, from Seattle, in November. I jumped on their promotional fairs to book holiday tickets. I also have some other trips planned, here's my schedule:

Sept 23-25th - In Boston, just for fun. Who wants to go to S&S?

Oct 1 - Oct 4 - In Troncones, Mexico (staying here).

Nov 18 - Nov 25th - In Boston for Thanksgiving. Possibly side trip to New Haven for Harvard-Yale football game, but that's very much up in the air.

Dec 24 - Jan 1 - Christmas comes a day early for everyone in Boston as I arrive on the morning of the 24th.

I think that's enough for now.
Oh - and if anyone wants to come to Mexico with me, there's stil time!

Run For Fun?

2005-09-11T21:23:00.000-07:00

As you know last Monday was my first half marathon race. For a day or two after that, I was trying to figure out why so many people enjoy such things and do them on a repeated basis. By Thursday, I was itching to start running again, as I flipped through some fliers I picked up at the race for more upcoming races. Go figure.

Friday after work, I went with Kapil to a BBQ for people who had volunteered at the Tour De Cure, which is a fundraiser for the American Diabetes Society. I was chatting with a woman there who had also run in the same race I did, and we started talking about training, and more upcoming races, etc. By the end of the conversation I was all pumped up to get back into the training groove and get ready for more long distance races.

My basic plan is to keep doing about the same number of runs per week I was doing (4--5 usually), but to continue to gradually increase my weekly or bi-weekly long run so I'll be better prepared - both mentally and physically - for long races (for now I'm still thinking mainly half marathons, but who knows...).

I already knew - and learned by experience in the race - that runs of more than 75 minutes or so require water breaks for sure, and, if possible, some sort of fuel. So saturday morning I went to REI and got a small water bottle, plus a bunch of Gel/GU packets, which are basicaly liquid power bars, except they are designed to be easy to digest, and they are all carbs, so they give you energy much quicker (than say, protein). I also stopped by Target while I was out, where they small water bottles for only $1! I figured they were pretty low quality, compared to the Nalgene one I got for $5 at REI, but I got a couple anyway.

Now that I was fully equipped, i filled up my water bottle and headed out for a super long run of about 14-15 miles (I never know exactly how far I'm running around here, but it was just under two hours). I took water every couple miles, and had one of the gel packs about an hour into it. It went really well. I expected to have some stomach sloshiness after eating it, but that didn't happen at all. My hamstring did tighten up a little bit with a few miles to. It was the same spot that was tight for a few days after the race, so I guess there is some microscopic damage there. After a while I stopped and stretched it out for a minute, and then it felt fine the rest of the way.

So, barring any unforeseen circumstances like a major back injury (ugh), I am once again a runner.

Paul Runs!

2005-09-05T21:57:00.000-07:00

This morning was the Super Jock-N-Jill (that's a running shoe store) Half Marathon that I told you about recently. It started at 9AM at the Redhook Brewery, went North into Bothell, then looped around and came back down the Sammamish River Trail.
I got up at 6:15 so I could have some breakfast and time to digest it before the race. I ate light, yesterday as well, to try and avoid getting any stomach cramps/side stiches during the race.
I had planned out the paces I want to run to try and finish in around 1:40. Basically I would run the first 5 miles in 7:50 pace, then drop down to 7:40 for 4 miles, then run 7:25 for the last 4 miles (man that's a lot of miles...). Here was my pace chart:

I wrote down the cummulative time I wanted to be at for each mile mark so I wouldn't have to do the math on the run. I pinned it to my shirt for easy reference, but I made the mistake of putting it on the right side, which is the "water side." Water stations are on the right side, so at each one, I would grab a cup, drink about one ounce, and spill the other 5 ounches on my shirt, soaking and rendering illegible my pace chart.
Amazingly, I was *exactly* on pace for the first three miles. 7:50, 15:40, 23:30. I was pretty impressed with that, and I felt pretty good. The next mile was a little rolling, and I ended up dipping under the pace a little bit, and at 5 miles I was about 15 seconds under. Then the 6th mile was slower than planned, but it was hard to tell because I was still passing lots of people (that's what happens when you run an even pace). Around 5.5 miles these two young Asian girls caught up to me and I paced off of them for the next mile and a half or so.
When I saw the 6th mile was slow I started to pick it up a bit, trying to get down around 7:35 - 7:40. This was the time when we hit UW Bothell, including this relatively steep 300 yard hill. Despite that, I ran around 7:15 for that mile, probably because there was a big downhill after the uphill :)
At the end of the downhill (after I moved ahead of the Asian girls) I started to feel some pain in my side. I wasn't surprised because this seems to happen pretty frequently when I go to fast on downhills. So then it flattened out and I tried to relax and slow down a bit and just stay on the 7:40 pace I wanted... But I think the momentum just carried me through and I ended up running another 7:15 or so for the next mile. Around the beginning of the 7th mile I caught up with this guy who was running a good pace and I stuck with him for a while. We were battling back and forth for the next two miles, and for the first time in this event I actually started to feel like I was racing rather than just running for a time. The cool part was that while we were pushing each other, we were passing tons of other people along the way. I moved ahead of him slightly after the water stop just before the nine mile mark, but then I started feeling a little tired (after running three miles around 7:15, much faster than I had planned. He caught back up to me, and motioned for me to pick it up and come with him, but I was spent and knew I had to just relax for a while. I hit the ten mile mark at 75:55, which is about 7:36 average mile pace so far. So I was pretty pumped to have hit that mark. I knew if I kept under eight minute pace I'd be right around my goal time.
At mile 11 we passed through this park on the Sammamish River Trail in Bothell where there were a lot of people cheering, so that was uplifting. But shortly after that I really started to fall apart, and my pace slower even more. My legs felt okay, my upper body was a little stiff, but I just felt like I didn't have a whole lot of energy left. Another problem was that I started thinking too much. I knew around 11 miles that I should be able to run right arond 1:40 without much trouble, and since that was my goal, I knew I'd be pretty content with anything around that time, so I lost a little bit of motivation (for some time I was able to see the guy i had been racing with up ahead, but by about 11.5 miles he was too far ahead).
I just tried to keep up a steady pace and not completely fall apart. In the last half mile, the two girls I had been running with easier caught up with me. Well, one of them caught up, and the other one was a little behind me. I looked at the results later and was surprised to see they were 18 and 15! Wow.
I was able to pick it up a little bit the last few hundred yards and passed one guy a little before the end, so I was happy my sprinting skills were still there :)
After the race I was completely spent. I walked around and drank water for a while. I was so sore, especially my upper body, I just had to lie down on the ground for a while and stretch out. I had some bananas and clif bars that they were giving out, went and put on a sweatshirt, and walked around and stretched some more.
Then I went home and took a short nap. Mainly because lying down was the only comfortable position I could get in. Standing hurt my feet and legs, sitting hurt my back (not real back pain like i had before, just muscle soreness).

All in all I was pretty happy with my run. I just don't know how people run twice that far. Well I guess they train better. For now this is long enough for me though.

Results here.

Game Navigation

2005-09-04T14:55:00.000-07:00

If you're interested in exactly where we went during The Game two weeks ago, I've posted a few maps and the directions we used here.

Troncones

2005-08-31T22:11:00.000-07:00

This is mainly so I don't lose this link.

The Biweekly blog so you don't think i'm dead

2005-08-31T19:33:00.000-07:00

This is the part where I just mention a bunch of random things because
a) I haven't posted anything in a while
b) Not much I have to say really merits an entire post
c) I like random things.
d) Puppies

First of let me just say I am very glad to have seen this story on CNN. I mean, I was really worried about the future... but now I can rest easy. One thing I don't like about this article is that girls will read it and say "Oh, the Y Chromosome is dysfunctional, that explains a lot!" or something similarly lacking in creativity and humor.

Next item on the agenda: Is Paul All Talk? Answer: No, and hopefully not. As discussed in my recent "Running" post, I have officially signed up to run in a half-marathon next Monday (Labor Day). For those of you keeping score at home, that's 13.1 miles. I was able to do a long run of about 11+ miles last Thursday, so I think I'm ready for it.

The Game. This was last weekend (no, not this past weekend, the one before that. Yesterweekend I guess.). Our team did pretty well, finishing 7th out of 22 teams, and we had a great time. Whenever I go into more detail than that, I get blank stares and comments like "Well, it sounds like you guys had fun...". If you really want to know more you can check out The website and The discussion forums.

Penultimately, I'll just mention that I'm going to be in Boston for a weekend, Sept 23-25.

And for my last trick I'll again mention that I'm leaning towards using my free Alaska Airlines ticket to go to Mexico pretty soon. I might try to do some surfing while I'm there. Let me know if you want to come :)

Running

2005-08-18T19:35:00.000-07:00

I've been slacking on my blogging here lately, hopefully you've been enjoying Phosography in the meantime.

I've been running again, albeit rather sporadically. I was getting in pretty good shape, but then I couldn't run for about two weeks after I got my wisdom teeth out. I still haven't been running as frequently as I'd like, but I was able to get in a good ten mile run yesterday before work. If I can do another long run during the week next week, I'm planning to run in the Super Jock-N-Jill Half Marathon on Labor Day. I won't be in super great racing shape, but if I keep waiting for that, I may never run another race again... It's already been over a year since my last one, which was the Shore Run last June. I'd be really happy if I could run close to 1:40 or under, and slightly disappointed if I run slower than 1:50.

Gaming

2005-08-18T19:34:00.000-07:00

I'm playing in The Game this weekend. A lot of times when people talk about the game, to other people who don't know what the game is, they tell them to check out gamecontrol.com. It's a decent site, but anytime I visit it, I leave wanting more...
The official site for this weekend's game is here. As you can see, it's roughly based on a Hithchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy theme. I'm playing with a bunch of friends from work who I've done other puzzle events with before. Basically we get to spend the entire weekend driving around in a rented van, visiting all sorts of random places in Western Washington (probably - no one knows the route beforehand), and solving all sorts of weird puzzles. It should be a ton of fun, I haven't played in an event of this sort since I was an intern (2002).
My Teammates:
Erin
Robin
Scott (boring work blog :) )
Brad
Andrew
[Edit: Thanks to Erin for the last link. I had to delete and repost this so I was lost the actual comment. Don't worry our team's status has been restored to "Devestatingly Trendy" due to blogging.]

Wish Us Luck! I may try to do a few AudioBlogs from the road.

Fleece Part 1

2005-08-18T19:33:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time Paul went to Ireland, and bought a green fleece jacket.
And everyday Paul would wear his fleece because it was his favorite.
But one day, Paul misplaced the green Fleece from Ireland.
Because of that, he never saw it again.
And because of that, Paul was very sad.
Until finally his aunts went back to Ireland and offered to try to find a replacement for the fleece!

[ to be continued... ]

they better be

2005-08-06T17:14:00.000-07:00

I was at my favorite hangout today, Bed Bath & Beyond. I was there to buy some cookie sheets, since I can't seem to find mine, and my kitchen isn't hot enough and I want to turn the oven on. They didn't have much of a selection. In fact there was only one product that I'd actually call cookie sheets, it was a set of three Air Bake brand, which I think are supposed to be pretty good, so I got them. I took them to the cashier to pay (I bought a bunch of other stuff too but that's irrelevant to the story, but I'll mention it anyway since you're probably wondering).
I had the following conversation:
TheCashier: (looking at the cookie sheets) Oh, these are the best kind!
Me: They better be.
TheCashier: "And why's that?" (with a stupid grin like she expects some clever, challenging response).
Me: It's the only kind you sell.
TheCashier: (sheepishly) Oh.

The end.

2005-08-02T23:20:00.000-07:00

Best Ever

2005-07-21T16:30:00.000-07:00

You may remember a while back some discussion of cool t-shirts.

Well, forget all that.

Thanks to Mike for the link to this website, I have now found what I am declaring to be the Best T-Shirt Ever.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, TheShirt.

Thank you and have a good night.

Announcement

2005-07-17T23:30:00.000-07:00

And now for the much awaited announced I mentioned.
I've started a new blog, called Phosography, where I will be posting a Photo Of The Day.

Enjoy!

new stuff

2005-07-15T16:47:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be launching a new feature on my website on Monday, so keep an eye out for that. I'll post more details here once it is up.

Recent Adventures

2005-07-13T16:25:00.000-07:00

Paul Takes Pictures Of Waterfalls

Paul Goes To Vegas

Everything happens for a reason

2005-07-01T10:22:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I was reading an newletter I get in my email with links to interesting news stories when I ran across this article about Sandra O'Connor retiring. I was somewhat surprised that a Supreme Court Justice was retiring, especially one other than Rehnquist, who everyone seem to thinks is dying. I was even more surprised, when I actually read the article, to find out that the Baltimore County State's Attorney is named Sandra O'Connor, and was, after 30 years, retiring. So it turns out the initial headline mislead me and the Supreme Court remain as is for a bit longer.

This morning while I was in the shower, I heard a news report on the radio that Sandra Day O'Connor was retiring from the Supreme Court. I started laughing, thinking that the radio folks had made the same mistake I had, but taken it a step further and actually reported it on the radio. But when I got to my computer I saw this article about Sandra Day O'Connor's resignation. Reading the article, I realized how thankful I am that I don't have to wear a long black robe to work every day.

The Art Of The Split

2005-06-28T00:06:00.000-07:00

As far as mathematical operations go, division is a fairly simple one. Arguably, it follows that splitting a restaurant tab among a group of people is a comparably simple task. But, as you may well know, that is rarely the case.
Is money the root of all evil? Probably not, but it is the root of this common socially uncomfortable situation. After a GoingAway dinner for a coworker this weekend, we discussed the subject of check-splitting ad nauseum. Some argued for the iron fist even split: even if you just got a side salad, you should contribute an equal share. The argument here is that restaurants are not grocery stores and you are not just paying for your food, you are paying for the service and for the entertainment value of spending time with others. Most of the people I talked to about this seemed to think this was generally acceptable with a few exceptions.

First, if you ordered seven courses including Prime Rib, while your tablemates by and large chose much lighter (and less expensive) fare, you should not be a free loader and should pony up the extra cash. Speaking of cash, the propoensity for people these days to not carry cash could be the subject of a whole other post (which I'll not actually write). Yes there are lots of good reasons to pay with credit cards, but in my opinion, handing the waiter a stack of 10 credit cards is, well, awful. Go to an ATM once in a while, and carry some small bills as well. It won't kill you.
Secondly, if only a subset of the diners are having drinks, some allowance should be made for that. Those who had drinks should throw in few dollars more, while non-drinkers should get a small break. The main issue here, as in the previous case, is that people should be responsible enough to chip in the extra money, and no one should have to ask them. Why is this important? Because as soon as someone else starts telling the people around them that they need to pay more, the people who accounted for only a small contribution to the total bill will often feel compelled to argue their case for how little they should pay. But guess what? Your $7 doesn't really cover your $5.95 sandwich. No way, no how. Especially when we're covering the GuestOfHonor's tab as well.
Finally, it should be stated in no uncertain terms, up front before ordering takes place, that this will be an "even split" meal. It may be painful and awkward, but at least everyone will know what they are getting into.
With all these caveats, is the "even split" really an equitable solution? Let's consider the alternatives. The most common alternative is the "everyone puts in what they owe" system. This system actually works fairly well with small groups (5 or less typically), and groups of good friends in particular, where no one is afraid to call someone out for not contributing their fair share. Beyond that, the system breaks down because people are stupid, in that they are forgetful, and they are bad at math. Maybe they added tip, but forgot tax. Maybe they forgot about the nachos that we split. Or Maybe they are just trying to get away with something. But how many times have you heard someone say "We're seven dollars short."? Inevitably, someone feels like they are getting ripped off, and silently vows to never go out to eat again because they are always the one having to pay more than they should.
The other alternatively is the ever popular "separate checks" method. Theoretically I think this is a great solution, assuming you can overcome the two small obstacles of a) splitting appetizers or other shared dishes evenly among the party and b)footing the bill for the GuestOfHonor, if one exists. These should both be solvable by putting said items on one persons bill, and everyone else chipping in some token amount. My objection to check splitting, with large parties, is the same as the "stack of credit card" issue above - it is an unnecessary burden on the wait staff, especially if you have more than a handful of people.
So, what is one to do in these situations? If it is suggested that everything be split evenly, be civil and go along with it (with the possible exception of the case where the proposer is the one person who spent significantl more, in which case they should stoned). It may cost you a few dollars more than you would have liked, but, as one friend of mine put it "If you don't want to pay, don't come." If instead, the group attempts the always-dangerous "pay what you owe" system, try this: Check the bill for the cost of your entree (plus salad, drinks, or anything else you ordered). Add them up, and add on 30% (tax + tip + rounding up just to be safe). If appetizers were ordered, add a dollar or two (depending on party size and number of appetizers). Finally if you are covering the bill for the GuestOfHonor, add another two or three dollars, again depending on party size.
Of course, if you are a true player, you could just quietly pay the entire bill yourself, despite any objections to the contrary. If anyone doesn't approach you later and offer to pay their share, I suggest blacklisting them.

on dogs

2005-05-05T15:11:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't describe myself as a "dog person." I think one of the main reasons I don't like dogs all that much is because they are always trying to attack me while I am running, or at least they appear to be. There are three different types of dogs I typically encounter when I'm out on a run: loose dogs, wild dogs, and dogs at an angle.
Loose dogs are dogs that are allegedly being taken for a walk by their owner. More accurately, the owner is going for a walk on their own, and their dog happens to be in the same general vicinity. The dog is, naturally, unleashed. Generally the owner will be walking either ahead of behind the dog, depending on which way they are traveling relative to me. It will always be structures such that the dog is in between myself and the owner as I approach. This maximizes the likelihood that I will be eaten by a crazy puppy whose owner is calmly and ineffectively reiterating "stay." When the dog breaches my comfort zone (about 10 feet), I stop and walk. If someone can explain to me why a person that is jogging slowly is a significant threat to a dog, but a walker is of no concern at all, I would love to hear about it.

Wild dogs might as well be wolves. They often travel is small packs, with no human beings in sight. They sense my presence from a good quarter mile away, and stare me down as I approach them. On a wide trail, they will walk softly towards the side of the trail I am on, attempting to surround me. My zone is a bit bigger with wild dogs, and I slow to a walk when I get within about 25 feet or so of the pack. I walk quietly along the side of the trail, their eyes piercing my skull like laser beams. Their interest drops off significantly after I have passed them, but they continue to stare for a good minute or so. Eventually they go back to sniffing each other and I go back to running.

Dogs at an angle, I was rather pleased with myself for coming up with this term. This refers to leashed dogs who, given the chance, would tear my limbs off. Why are they at an angle? Apparently attacking dogs lead with their head. But due to the fact that they are restrained by a leash, they can't actually step forward while in this position. Thus they end up leaning at an angle towards whoever it is they are trying to attack. I tend to feel the safest around these dogs. However, it is not because I have any confidence in the ability of the owner to restrain them, especially while they are busy chatting on a cell phone, sipping on their tall decaf vanilla soy latte, checking their email, etc. Rather, I assume if I was attacked, I could easily trick the dog into attacking its owner instead of me.

Maybe I'll take up swimming instead.

pictures!

2005-05-05T15:08:00.000-07:00

I posted some pictures of my condo on my web site. I took these before the accent is done so I'll try to take another one and put it here.
When i was looking at these, i realized it's pretty hard to take a picture of a room when you are still inside the room and the room has four walls. It makes me wonder about Trading Spaces... Do they have special cameras? Are they actually working on real houses? I wonder...

oh give me a home...

2005-04-26T09:37:00.000-07:00

where the buffalo roam

in the news

2005-04-25T09:08:00.000-07:00

This is the craziest thing I've seen in a while: http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/florida/orl-asecwingfolo25042505apr25,0,1190171.story?coll=sfla-news-florida

Key Acquired

2005-04-21T11:54:00.000-07:00

This morning around 10AM my real estate agent stopped by my office to drop off the keys to my newly acquired condo.
As TheRoommate said, this means I am officially "old."

I will try to post some pictures once I get a chance, hopefully this weekend.

In other news, the aforementioned Vegas trip will be happening July 4th weekend. Catch me if you can.

In culinary news, I made a delicious sweet potato casserole last weekend for a pot-luck-ish turkey dinner, and I'll be attempting risotto tonight. Should be interesting.

Agenda

2005-04-04T12:45:00.000-07:00

April - Finish condo purchase
April/May - prep and move into my new place
Mid-May - See some red sox games. Colleges roommates possibly visiting.
June - Parents visiting Seattle
June - Get my wisdom teeth out ?!
July/August(?) - Vegas trip
Fall - Mexico trip(?) [using my free Alaska ticket]
November - Thanksgiving in Seattle?

As Promised [ warning: tome ]

2005-03-28T13:54:00.000-08:00

This is the story of five friends

Picked to go to Adele's wedding

And find out what happens when people stop working at Microsoft

And start having fun.
<

[I write this mostly for the benefit of Adele, as I assume she might be interested in how we experienced her wedding, since she was quite busy during most of it]

Predictions of a late start were mostly exaggerated. By the time Robin fetched Erin from the Metro station and we all gave our best guesses as to what the suspicious noise coming from Mama Lim's car was, it was after 2:00 and lunch was just getting underway. I quickly came to understand why the Lims spoke so highly of Coatal Flats. The egg rolls, fish & chips and filet mignon tips with tequila lime cream sauce left my mind without a worry of a late arrival, and my stomach with a sufficient base for copious amounts of incoming alcohol. An incident involving sharp hard candy and Yamini's tongue prompts Jason, our resident poet-advisor, to give us the wise rhyming warning: "Don't explore it, ignore it!"

[Jason's joke time]

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

What did Simba say to Nala when they were being chased by wildebeests?

What did one statue say to the other?

What do you call 100 rabbits in a row walking backwards?

(Answers momentarily)

Jason's claim of a 15 minute shower, shave & dress routine turned out to be, shockingly enough, a high estimate. Our self-imposed 45-minute prep period proved perfectly plentiful. The strange hissing sound from the Grand Am's tiring having abated, we were on the road promptly at 4:15, a fact I greatly appreciated.

The noises we heard coming from the tire earlier had us a bit worried that Mama Lim's car might break down. We vowed that we would find a way to get there regardless. Someone proposed hitchhiking as a possible alternative. We would need a sign: "Late for wedding! One Mile Away." I pointed out we didn't have markers. No problem, we will write the sign in blood, we'll all give a few ounces. Someone points out we won't be able to drink as much if we lose blood. We realize we will have to use Erin's blood, since she won't be drinking [I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Erin for being designated driver, but still being lots of fun!]. We figure we'll need about 20 ounces. At the offramp (about 100 yards from the wedding site), Jason proclaims "Even if we break down right here, we should still make the sign." We all have a good chuckle over this, and pull into the parking lot.

At the Tyson's Corner Double Tree, we simultaneously and nonparallel-ly encountered confusion and Lee Peterson. The non-time-sorted schedule of events threw us for a loop, but that was markedly minute compared with meeting Lee. He bore such uncanny similarities to Carl in all observable traits that we thought he was kidding when he said, in a very Carl-like way, "I'm Carl's brother." Freaky.

Incredulous that we were actually as early as we appeared to be, Rob flipped back a page in the guest book to see who signed before us. No one had. That is how it came to be that Erin Dean's signature is the first to appear in the Wedding Guest Book of Mr. and Mrs. Carl Peterson.

[Answers to jokes]

Damn!

Mufasa!

IsThatYou??

A receding hare line.

To the ushers [Nathan and Steven, brothers of the bride, Ken, friend of the couple] we seemed to be guinea pigs, as they apparently had not quite worked out a system for determining who would escort whom, or exactly which subset of the guests needed to be ushed [hint: just the ladies]. We sat and enjoyed the string trio (not quartet)

and enjoyed some brief solitude, as, much like the position of our names in the guest book might indicate, we were seated first. Several discussions broke out amongst the five of us, including:

When do we stand? (Decision: just follow the crowd - turns out to be, when Adele enters)
Is flash photography allowed? Will it blind the Judge? (I make the fateful decision to go flashless, which seems to be working fine, but leaves me with numerous blurry images)
Is it appropriate for us to be sitting in the third row? Should family get the good seats? (We decide we deserve it, for arriving early)

There were more, perhaps Erin or Rob will comment.

After a number of string instrument related jokes are exchanged (why are violas bigger than violins? They are not, violinist just have bigger heads. Why are violas better than violins? They burn longer), Jason recognizes the string trio has gone into repeats. I posit that they are probably underestimating the crowd's knowledge of classical music. It is never a good idea to underestimate Jason.

The room is starting to fill up and we have our first celebrity sighting: Ginny. She is trying to be low key, taking a seat in the back corner. Erin and I immediately recognize her from a LiveJournal photograph. When Jason asks who Ginny is, Rob informs him "she's the Asian you're going to hook up with tonight." Confusion ensues as the comment seems baseless, and unlikely to be accurate for various and sundry reasons.

If you think I am being longwinded and overly descriptive, fear not: the open bar starts in about half an hour.

It seems like we are about to get underway. An inspection of the program that we should soon be having our second celebrity sighting: Bridesmaid Laura Cunningham (who, I unfortunately forgot to ask what realcream means. If someone can comment on that, that would be great). However, as with Robin's Asian hookup comment, confusion again ensues. The program indicates that she will enter second, accompanied by a Peterson. After the judge enters, we see a Peterson escorting a young woman down the aisle. Now, Erin and I have seen approximately one picture of Laura, in which she is holding an as-of-this-point-in-time unidentified object (Rob says fish, Erin says video game controller, I say gopher. I do not think I am right). It's a postage stamp sized picture, so we do not have that great of an idea what she looks like. Armed with only the program and this visual image, I convince myself that this first Bridesmaid, who is about Adele's size and stature, is Laura. I believe that for about the next fifteen minutes.

"Laura" is accompanied by Bizzaro-Carl, who, I am later informed, commented on having a nice view, which I would think was probably accurate.

(apologies for the blurriness, my flash was off). Next, CarlP escorts his parents to the front of the room and takes his place under the chuppah, a traditional Jewish wedding canopy representing the hope that the couple will have a roof over their heads, and will have an open household. Adele's parents then process halfway down the aisle (their pause there momentarily confuses me, under Pachabel's Canon in D starts up and the doors at the back of the room revealing Adele in all her glowing matrimonial glory. Sadly, I lack the mastery of the English language required to fully express her radiating beauty. (sic) We are star struck as she walks past us and winks! We are obviously very special and important people (more on that later).

The ceremony is brief, simple and beautiful. It includes wishes from the groom's family, readings from The Prophet and Sonnet 116 by the bridesmaids, an exchange of vows which we suspect the couple did not author, an exchange of rings, and of course, a kiss. We all agree it is one of the best ceremonies we have attended.
The aforementioned readings by the bridesmaids threw additional confusion (noticing a pattern?), as the Judge announced that Chantal would be doing a reading. The shorter, darker haired - but no less beautiful - bridesmaid, whom I had heretofore been assuming was Laura, began to read. I double-checked the program and sure enough my confusion was well grounded. Later on, Adele reveals that Carl was in charge of all printed material and thus is to blame for the misordered list of processors.

As we are exiting, a woman retreating back up the aisle (against the flow of traffic) makes a wave-like motion with her arms and declare, "I'm a salmon!" Rob misheard her and - you guessed it - confusion ensued as he wondered why she was telling us her pants size and if she was in fact a seven. At the exit, someone who immediately becomes less important than the words they use points us to the right and informs us that the open bar in that direction has shorter line. We briefly skip the cheese fruit and cracker display in favor of obtaining a good position in line. Erin gets a Shirley Temple, and we illustrate by example for Jason the difference between a Roy Rogers and a Shirley Temple. This involved having him hold the drink and saying "now it's a Roy Rogers."

We fetch some cheese, fruit, and crackers. Jason, our cheese connoisseur, informs us that we are eating Smoked Gouda, which he usually purchases in Leavenworth. He also verifies for Yamini that is in fact "the cheese you brought that one time". The finger foods the servers distribute are to die for. I particularly appreciate the chicken skewers because the contain pineapple, a topping I was robbed of in The Pita Pit Incident. We discuss Rob's plan to "keep up" with Jason and I, a lofty goal indeed.

Recognizing that we know no one there, Erin puts in some effort and fetches Local Celebrity Ginny Del Barrio.

We discuss the following:

Ginny's jobs, past and present
Jason might be moving to New York
Peter Kluger's steakhouse in NYC
Rob and Ginny know a lot of the same people
Rob is bitter he did not get into TJ (it is always a good sign of bitterness when someone says "I'm not bitter")
Ginny informs us that, in the LiveJournal picture, Laura is holding a turtle. I claim that I was the closest. (so does robin)

We have a long island iced tea, and it is strong. It looks more like a long island lemonade, as it contains about as much coke as you could add to an already full glass of alcohol.

Yamini and I go for a walk, which means we go down to the other end of the hallways where the mingling is going on. We notice the other open bar, which is oddly unattended. Yamini points out that one of the bridesmaids is drinking a Miller Lite from a bottle. She questions the appropriateness of that move. I concur that the bottle's elegance is not up to par with her position and appearance, and suggest a glass of Roederer Cristal.

Yaz and I are done with our walk, so we head back to rejoin our clique.

Minutes after we have obtained our third or fourth drink (I knew at the time...) the doors open to the reception area. Erin fetches our nametags. I overheard our good friend the bartender mention that the bar is supposed to closed. I consult Jason. We are alarmed, mainly due to our inexperience with open bar weddings. We decide it is likely that they are just closing it during dinner. If so, we decide we are OK with that. [I would like to take a moment at this point to thank the person that invented open bar. Moreover, the person that paid for open bar]. Our theory is confirmed a bit later when Jason observes the bartender moving his portable bar from outside the reception room to just inside its door. It remains closed for the time being but its presence in the room appeases us.

I am the last to arrive at table 16. Everyone appears to be seated. Except me. Perhaps that is because I do not have a chair. I count the seated guests. Robin, Yamini, Erin, Jason, Adele's two brothers, a girl about my age, and a guy who seems a few years younger than us. They all appear to be seated. In chairs. Between Steven and Nathan, there is an extra place setting, but no chair. Remembering that actions speak louder than words, I take a chair from the table next to me and take a seat next to Jason and Yamini. The place setting is passed to me, and all is well. We inspect the small lacey bag, which contains M&Ms in wedding colors (white, purple, light purple...), with TheHappyCouple's names on them.

A server appears, bearing gifts of bread for our table. There appear to be two different types. Jason and I both get the type that we had determined was superior. We laugh at Erin, as she was given an inferior roll. Erin opines that her roll is superior. We laugh at her again, but she seems satisfied with it.

A lovely salad is served next. I appreciated the mix of green, with both spinach and lettuce. Oddly, the dressing is distributed via a separate and seemingly tedious process. It is further complicated by the user of multiple servers circling a single table, apparently not knowing where the other started. Jason and Erin wait about 5 minutes for dressing after the rest of our table is served, while the white-gloved servers provide dressing to the table next to us. I wait to begin eating my salad until they are served, and my patience is rewarded as I am offered an additional helping of the dressing, which turns out to be delicious.

It is around this time that I make the first phone call to Adele. In case you have not been paying attention, Adele is the bride. We have been joking pretty much since we got off the plane (Friday morning) that we should call Adele, because she probably is not very busy and would love to talk to us. Shockingly she does not answer, so I leave a voice mail, informing that we are currently eating dinner, the salad is good, and I just wanted to make sure she turned her phone off. It is also around this time that we do some table analysis. We decide that we are the second most important table, just after the table where Adele's parents and Carl's parents are sitting. This is based on the presence of Adele's brothers at our table. Carl's brothers sit together at a table that appears to take third, while the Bridesmaids table takes a distant fourth.

We eat steak, and it is good.

Champagne is poured. It has been a while since I finished my last drink (you will recall the open bar is currently closed), so I have a sip. I instantly regret it. Not for a lack of appreciation of the champagne, but because I remember that champagne is usually intended for the toast(s). I take a quick scan and notice several empty glasses, so I take comfort in not being the only offender. It occurs to me that the empty glasses may never have been filled. I take another scan to see if anyone seems to be giving me an EvilEye, but it seems no one noticed. I am saved.

Toasts are given. There were four in total.

I think in terms of length, they added up to about the same as my toast at my brother's wedding. So it turns out I babble. These toasts were good. I was very impressed. We heard about Adele's first dinner with Carl's parents, when his mom determined that Adele was very smart, because she hardly said a word during dinner. We heard about Carl's brother visiting TheHappyCouple in California, and being introduced to "couch power," which is perhaps the coolest thing I have ever heard of. Apparently, they have wired up their sofa with electrical outlets, for the use of laptops and other devices without ever having to get up. Much speculation as to the exact setup ensued, so if someone can comment on how that works, or perhaps provide a schematic diagram, that would be fantastic. The one weird thing about the toasts was that they did not end with a communal raising of the glass. Well, it did at our table, obviously, but not across the room. The DJ at my brother's wedding said the best toasts are short, unprepared and from the heart. I still do not know if I agree with the unprepared bit, but these toasts definitely met the short and from the heart bar. Bravo.

Father Daughter dance time. I am surprised when Carl and his mom join them on the dance floor. I assumed they would have their own separate dance later. Incorrect.

I point at my wine glass and give Jason the "my glass is emptier than yours" look. He takes it down in one while I finish my steak. I point out that red wine really does taste better with red meat. Robin, not a fan of anything made from grapes, begrudgingly follows Jason's lead. We observe that the bar has re-opened, but we are quickly distracted by a cell phone. The cell phone belongs to Erin, and she is sending a text message. I admonish her, but she dismisses me. The band is rocking out, and dancing shortly begins. We discuss the possibility of dessert. I predict there will be two rounds: a fancy dessert, and then later, cake. I was close.

A woman comes by to talk to the girl and guy sitting to Erin's left. She informs that the girl is Adele's "first friend ever." We ignore the second half of her sentence where she qualifies that with "After she moved to Virginia," and take her statement as validation that we are in fact the second most important table. Up to this point, we were too busy eating, drinking, and leaving voicemails on Adele's phone to figure out why this pair merited a seat here. The person turns out to be her brother. I wonder whether they were both invited or if she brought him as her guest. Later, Adele tells me I should as her about The Wizard of Oz, but I never see her again.

Adele is making the rounds. We determine that she is leaving the more important tables for the end.

She stops by our table briefly to say hello, make sure we are having a good time, and tells us she will be back.

We alternate drinking and dancing for the next while. The band is really rocking out. We dance to Blister in the Sun, Proud Mary featuring Uncle Jonas on drums, and tons of other great covers. We grab another Long Island and raise our glasses to the groom, who informs us "those are free, you know." Yes Carl, we know. We inform him that the open bar is "[of the utmost] quality." I get my picture taken with the guest drummer.

Erin proposes the idea of bringing a photo printer, so we could take pictures like this, print them out, and get them autographed. I think this is the greatest idea I have heard all night. If we had done that, I would have a big stack of autographed photos to show for it. I begin to ponder how others would perceive us...

Then it happens. Sometime around our third rum & coke, Rob drops the ball, admits defeat, and, inevitably and irrevocably, falls behind Jason and me. The event is documented via digital photography.

In addition to dropping to ball, he also drops Erin, in a failed attempt at dipping her on the dance floor.

A girl takes the stage to sing a song for TheHappyCouple. We miss introductions, so can only speculate as to who she might be. Jason calls Adele to document the occasion.

Dessert is served. As predicted, it is fancy. It is also delicious. A sort of chocolate bowl filled with some ridiculously rich whipped cream. We resume dancing and drinking. Erin performs some brilliant set theory, taking a union of our group and Adele's Virginia friends, and we get a good dance circle going. Carl and Adele immediately appear, as if on cue, to dance with us for a while. We all take turns dancing with them in the middle. I show off my dancing skills as usual, twirling Adele around like a top. She almost loses her hair thingy, which she hands to Erin for safekeeping. Shortly thereafter, Adele disappears, prompting Carl to ask, "Where my wife?" We are all blown away.

I take a break and go talk to BridesmaidLaura, who currently lives in Somerville, the city I grew up in.

We chat about Davis Square bars for a minute. I neglect to ask her what's she holding in the picture, or what realcream means. I do think to ask how she ended up in Somerville, but I do not get a straight answer to that, either. At least not one that I remember. BridesmaidChantal joins us (by join us I mean she went from sitting two seats away to crouching next to my chair). She compliments my dancing skills. I pronounce her name correctly. Apparently, she has heard that I am eligible. I ask where she heard that. I refrain from telling her that I have heard some things about her as well. For now, anyways. I tell them I should get back to my friends, and proceed to do so.

The text message was not enough. Erin takes a phone call. [Ed note: This actually happened much later] Jason mocks her and chases her out of the room.

From the bar, we notice that the music has abated and the dance floor is clearing out. Our confusion as to the cause for this turn of events is cleared up when we see the cake being wheeled out onto the center of the dance floor. This is exciting because it implies we will soon get to eat the cake, as, you might recall, I predicted. They are very cute about it, and I take some pictures.

Jason cheers, and no one follows suit. Then everyone claps. Apparently, we should have stuck with our "follow the crowd" methodology that worked so well for us during the ceremony.

Erin dances with the moderately awkward Cousin Joe. Oddly, their dancing continues through a song break and into the next song, prompting Erin to flee the dance floor in search of a face-saving glass of water.

Meanwhile, back at table 16, cake is served. Chocolate. The table is only half-full, but remains important as we are currently graced by the presence of Carl's dad. Mr. Peterson tells us more about the overpowered, under produced hovercraft mentioned earlier. It was apparently the size of several states, and weighed as much as several more. The build crew needed to be hooked up to three separate circuits in the building to sufficient power without bringing down the entire grid. Carl stops by to chat as well. He fiddles with his ring, which I ask to see. We learn that it is made of white gold, rather than platinum, "in case my hand gets caught in a machine, white gold is a lot easier to cut through." I propose that he could always just cut his finger off to save the ring. Carl points out that the ring itself is not that important, it is what it represents. I am in awe of his sincerity and thoughtfulness.

Erin rejoins us in the middle of our cake eating. The servers had only distributed pieces to those who were seated, so there was no cake at the table for her to enjoy. She approached a server who had since moved on to other, less important, tables. She is informed that they "already served table 16." Perhaps we are not as important as we though. They eventually make their way back and provide Erin with her much anticipated cake.
For those of you keeping score at home, that is two desserts, as I predicted. I am on top of the world. The servers reappear with more cake. White. My prediction was wrong. Three desserts! Apparently, their cake involved multiple layers of different types of cake. The chocolate cake was good. The white cake was to die for.

Jason and I head back to the bar for what turns out to be our last drink of the reception. We run into the bridesmaids. Chantal thinks hard, and then decides my name is Bradley. I am confused. I say something cocky and funny, and move on. We go and chat with the Happy Couple at their table, after waiting in line behind some relatives with whom they are chatting. I tell Adele my theory of how we are the second most important table. She agrees, and admits she hardly even knows over half the guests. I tell her about my confusion as to which Bridesmaid was which, and she blames Carl, who was responsible for the printed materials. We head back to our table when additional family members stop by to chat with the Happy Couple. As we are leaving, Adele mentions that we should all meet up in the hotel bar later.

I decide to tell Jason the story of how Chantal let me know that she had heard that I was single, since I found it rather amusing. I pull him aside from our table a few steps, since it was not meant for general consumption. Just as we are stepping aside, the band starts in on a slow song, and Nicole inquires if one of us would like to dance. I do some quick reception math, and decide the story is higher priority. "I'll dance, but just give us a second, I have to tell Jason something," I inform her. Jason nods in agreement, "Yeah, just give us a second." In retrospect, we are assholes. I give Jason the short version of the story, while Nicole stands a few feet away, and then escort her to the dance floor. I ask her about the hovercraft. She mentions soda server, a project that I have heard about several times from Adele. I still do not understand the impetus for it.

After the dance, the bouquet is thrown. Despite our cries of "Over Here," it is thrown "Over There." Laura catches it without much of a struggle. I am disappointed that we do not see a catfight, or at least a pillow fight, break out, but I move on with my life.

I return to our table where I am met with shocking news: Erin has eaten her M&Ms. Others do not seem nearly as shocked as I do at this development. Am I the only one who saves reception candy as souvenirs? I still have it from both of my siblings wedding. I decide I need a drink. Someone had recently suggested cranberry vodka, so Jason and I turn towards the bar. However, we do not make it very far. In fact I do not think I even took a full step before we both stopped, like deer in headlights, staring at the place where the bar no longer was. We sigh, and agree that we will have one later when we go to the hotel bar.

Another slow song plays. Perhaps the last. I see the bridesmaids dancing together and ask if I can cut in. There is a slight awkward pause, since it is not clear - to any of us - with whom I was asking to dance. Chantal clears up the confusion by extending her left arm towards Laura and saying "she's all yours." I notice she has a bouquet in her hand, and tease that I would rather not dance with her. I am not really on top of my game at this point. It is possible that we did not talk at all during the dance, since I do not remember anything we said.

I decide it is "self portrait with friends" time, and take a bunch of pictures. I'm sober enough that I'm able to keep track of who I've taken pictures with and who I haven't.

I get a little bolder and try to fit three people in the frame.

A fourth recognizes the difficulty of my endeavor and offers to take the picture for me. They obviously underestimated my skills as I end up with two very similar photos.

Then I get carried away and try to fit five people in the frame.

I have tried this before.

It ne'er ends well

The reception seems to have ended. Robin tries to talk to Adele, but she is busy.

He enlists the help of Yamini and Jason, but they are still unable to pull her away from what we assume to be some high school friends.

We hang out on the dance floor for a bit. I ponder the possibility of being both the first guests to be seated at the ceremony, and the last to leave the reception. A few minute later, we head to the hotel bar.

[To Be Continued...?]

I win!

2005-03-23T18:35:00.000-08:00

I like analogies and metaphors, so today I will tell you about something that happened as work, using a restaurant analogy (I am stealing this idea from Erin).
I am a chef at a local restaurant. When I finish cooking a meal, I have to get someone else to check it over and make sure it is what the customer ordered before I hand it off to the waiter. One guy is a real stickler, and a typical conversation might go like this:

Me: How does this grilled cheese look?
Stickler: You were supposed to make Kung Pao Chicken
Me: OK I'll try again

But today was different. Today I got to make a salad, which I'm pretty good at, so the conversation went something like this:

Me: How does this salad look?
Stickler: The lettuce looks good, but we usually put dressing on it
Me: I am serving the dressing on the side, and I serve two different kinds of dressing so people can pick what they want.
Stickler: Well, we also serve the honey mustard dressing with the chicken fingers, so you should serve multiple sauces with that as well.
Me: No, we shouldn't mess with the chicken fingers
Stickler: OK You're right. I'll tell everyone else to start serving dressing on the side as well.

Yay! I won!

Back in Black

2005-03-21T13:35:00.000-08:00

After the most entertaining wedding I've been to since October, I'm back in Seattle.
I'm working on a tome of a blog entry about our fun adventures in Virginia, but it is taking longer than I thought. Expect it within the next few days.

Side Note: People should really start getting married in Seattle, so I don't have to travel so much.

Not Thin, Not Puffy

2005-03-17T15:44:00.000-08:00

This post is about chocolate chip cookies. In particular, it is about really good chocolate chip cookies.
Are you tired of people making chocolate chip cookies that way too sweet, like they accidentally used twice as much sugar? And left out the butter?
Are you tired of chocolate chip cookies where the chocolate chips taste more like chalk than chocolate?
Well preheat your oven to delicious and stop the insanity.
Step One: Go and get yourself some Guittard chocolate chips. According to America's Test Kitchen (and I agree with this assessment), they are the best around. Better than Ghirardelli, and about a million times better than that Tollhouse crap you probably have in your cabinet. The milk chocolate variety are usually preferred for cookies, but I also recommend the semi-sweet for chocolate covered strawberries (which you may agree with if you're lucky enough to have sampled mine), or just snacking on.
Step Two is to follow Alton Brown's recipe for Chewy chocolate chip cookies. It available on FoodTV, but I'll repost here in case that is only temporary.

The Chewy Recipe courtesy Alton Brown
Show: Good Eats
Episode: Three Chips for Sister Marsha
2 sticks unsalted butter
2 1/4 cups bread flour
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 cup sugar
1 1/4 cups brown sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 tablespoons milk
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
Hardware:
Ice cream scooper (#20 disher, to be exact)
Parchment paper
Baking sheets
Mixer

Heat oven to 375 degrees F.
Melt the butter in a heavy-bottom medium saucepan over low heat. Sift together the flour, salt, and baking soda and set aside.

Pour the melted butter in the mixer's work bowl. Add the sugar and brown sugar. Cream the butter and sugars on medium speed. Add the egg, yolk, 2 tablespoons milk and vanilla extract and mix until well combined. Slowly incorporate the flour mixture until thoroughly combined. Stir in the chocolate chips.

Chill the dough, then scoop onto parchment-lined baking sheets, 6 cookies per sheet. Bake for 14 minutes or until golden brown, checking the cookies after 5 minutes. Rotate the baking sheet for even browning. Cool completely and store in an airtight container.

Fantasy Baseball

2005-03-09T20:36:00.000-08:00

So I just finished my first fantasy baseball draft. This is just for fun, no money involved, so I tried to pick Red Sox players where I could. Here's my current lineup:
C J. Varitek (Bos - C)
1B A. Pujols (StL - 1B)
2B B. Boone (Sea - 2B)
3B D. McPherson (LAA - 3B)
SS M. Young (Tex - SS)
OF J. Edmonds (StL - OF)
OF H. Matsui (NYY - OF)
OF T. Hunter (Min - OF)
Util M. Teixeira (Tex - 1B)
Util M. Bradley (LAD - OF)
BN T. Nixon (Bos - OF)
BN B. Mueller (Bos - 2B,3B)
BN R. Sanders (StL - OF)
BN K. Youkilis (Bos - 3B)

Pos Pitchers
SP M. Mulder (StL - SP)
SP B. Colon (LAA - SP)
RP K. Foulke (Bos - RP)
RP T. Percival (Det - RP)
P B. Arroyo (Bos - SP)
P D. Wells (Bos - SP)
BN J. Suppan (StL - SP)
BN L. Hawkins (ChC - RP)

I picked Youkilis sort of as a joke after reading Moneyball (which, incidentally, I recommend you read, if you haven't already).
I think I am going to need to pull off same trades to improve my pitching staff.

Vote Now!

2005-03-06T17:09:00.000-08:00

This is the fun interactive part of my blog where you get to vote and potentially influence my life. It's like reality TV! Only it's on the internet. let's call it reality internet.
Here's the deal: I ended up with a free ticket on Alaska Airlines when my flight home after Christmas was delayed. There's pretty much no restrictionss on it, I can just book any coach ticket to anywhere Alaska flies, and away I go. Here's where the voting comes in: Where should I go?
Here's AlaskaAir's routemap to get some ideas of potential destinations.
I'd prefer to go somewhere I haven't been before, so perhaps Mexico or Alaska is in the cards?
Obviously, I reserve the right to overrule any sort of majority vote. If you'd like to join me in this fun adventure, let me know. I'm thinking this will happen sometime around the September time frame, but that's up in the air. It just has to be before Christmas since the ticket expires then.
Vote now for your favorite destination!

Disco Party in the Castle of Love

2005-02-24T22:42:00.000-08:00

In case you didn't know, or forgot, I'd like to remind you that penguins are pretty much the coolest animal on the planet. This morning TheRoommate sent me a link to the Monterey Bay Aquarium's Penguin Camera web site. It's up from 7AM to 7PM PST, and you can watch feedings at 10:30 and 3:00. Needless to say I didn't get much work done today.
Since penguins are so awesome, we would like to have one as a pet. Since I am good at answering questions convincingly even when I don't know what I'm talking about, we were able to establish the following:

Penguins would quickly become domesticated enough if they lived in our apartment so we wouldn't have to worry about them running, err, waddling, away.
Although they probably lack the ability to be potty trained, we could keep them in the tub most of the time so they wouldn't make much of a mess.
If we didn't want them in the tub, we could put them on our patio. This would also win us the Christmas Decorating contest that TheLandlords hold, since our penguin would be way cooler than your multicolored lights and your plastic Santa.
Penguins would make noise, but it wouldn't be too annoying. It would probably sound like this . (It's unclear if we could teach our penguin to dance, but I don't see why not).

Please email me if you know where I can get a penguin or if you have one you are trying to get rid of.
In my search to find "penguin music" (I know forget why I was searching for it exactly), I happened across This free mp3 from a group called Emperor Penguin. I think if I had a penguin it would like to listen to this music.
You are going to be so jealous once I get my penguin.

Usher

2005-02-14T10:11:00.000-08:00

Chandler Phillips has written an excellent article for Edmunds about going undercover as a Car Salesman.

I'm just glad I don't work on commission.

Lesson of the Day

2005-02-08T09:30:00.000-08:00

Today's lesson is about cookies. When making oatmeal cookies, remember that thinner is better. A thin chewy cookie beats a big puffy cookie anyday. However there is such a thing as going too far with the thinness, and that brings us to today's lesson. Bringing butter to room temperature before using it is generally recommended. Melting your butter is not, as you will end up with a soupy butter+sugar mixture, instead of a creamy one.
The end result was some oatmeal cookies so thin that they would fall apart if you tried to pick them up. Still tasty, but certainly not ideal. I recall running into this problem before, when I first started making oatmeal cookies, but I was never sure why. Now that I figured out what's going on, I'm one step closer to perfecting my cookies.

What not to do

2005-02-02T16:56:00.000-08:00

In Today's lesson, we are going to talk about the concept of making people feel uncomfortable. I've recently discovered/witnessed/been victimized by several methodologies for causing moderate social discomfort, and I'd like to share a few of them with you.

Technique 1: Making customers feel awkward.
Step 1. Get a job as a receptionist in a smallish office. Small enough so that you know everyone that works there. The office should be part of a larger business such that people will come in from other offices. You may not know these visitors.
Step 2. Speak with someone from a different office, but whom you do not know, on the phone. Tell them that yes, they may use the conference room at your office to meet with a customer later that day. Be sure to not remember who you were talking to after you've hung up.
Step 3. When the customer arrives in advance of the employee they are meeting with (let's call him Joe), welcome them to your office with a blank, pleasant stare. When they ask for Joe, have the following conversation with them:
Them: I'm here to see Joe.
You: What? (say this as if they asked you where you keep the goats)
Them: I have a meeting with Joe.
You: You want to see Joe? (say this as if Joe is Ebola)
Them: Yes
You: Are you sure you are in the right office? (say this as if you suspect they were looking for KGB headquarters)
Them: Yes (smiles, albeit confusedly)
You: Oh well you should wait in here, I think he might have called earlier (direct them to a small conference with glass walls)
You: << Whine to co-workers about how it's late and you want to go home (it's 5:00) >>

OK I was going to write about another one but we'll save that for another time.

The Biweekly Blog so you don't think I'm dead

2005-01-25T16:08:00.000-08:00

I've been occupying my time with more interesting things than staring at my computer, thus the recent paucity of blogging. For one thing I've been reading more. I just read these two books (among others)
Mastery by George Leonard. I suppose you would classify this is a self help book. Leonard analyzes all the different approaches people take to new hobbies, sports, etc., and analyzes how and why they fail (if they're not successful). One recurrent theme is the constant desire for improvement, contrasted with the reality that just perfecting a very simple skill can take years of practice. He had a great quote, which I can now only paraphrase, that said the search for constant improvement is the root of boredom, and that you should find true enjoyment in variations on a theme. A lot of his examples were from tennis and martials arts, where very basic techniques have innumerable variations depending on opponent, position, and so forth. Leonard talks about "enjoying the plateau" of an acquired skill level for a significant period of time, rather than always looking ahead to the next leap. Reading this book lent itself to introspection as I compared Leonards description of Hacker or Obsessive types with my own pursuit of various interests.
Ex Libris: Confessions of a Common Reader by Anne Fadimann. I happened across this author while radio channel surfing. She was giving a talk on NPR, the material for which seemed largely gleaned from this book. It's the kind of book you'd find in a second hand bookstore on a shelf labeled "Books about books". She laments the lack of such a shelf at the Barnes and Nobles of the world. It's actually a collection of essays she wrote for a magazine whose name I cannot remember, of which she was a founding editor and was published by the Library of Congress. More notable topics include marginalia (writing in books), and the contrast between carnal and courtly book lovers (do you read in bed or in a chair? do you dog ear your pages and leave your book face down, spine open? would you use bacon as a bookmark? you get the idea). Her father, a carnal lover if ever there was one, had a habit of tearing out pages of a book he had read while traveling in order to lighten his load. One essay described a book she had once read which astounded her by using, by her count, twenty-two words for which she knew no definition. Mephitic, anyone? This inspired me to start writing down words I didn't recognize, which I've been doing for another book I'm reading now. We'll see how long I keep that up (I still haven't looked up the words I wrote down from this book yet...) This book was very entertaining, and I recommend it to anyone who has a love of books, whether it be courtly or carnal.

travel advice

2005-01-12T21:26:00.000-08:00

I recommend not traveling to Boston in the winter. Significant air travel delays may occur. Delays upwards of 20 hours may occur.

Recommended alternative destinations: Florida, Hawaii, Las Vegas.

Speaking of traveling, I'd like to thank Gary Potter at Sabre Holdings for getting Travelocity to finally take care of my refund from August. Gary mentions the incident briefly here . In addition, they were kind enough to offer me an additional $75 credit for the trouble. Seems fair to me.

fun stuff

2005-01-12T21:23:00.000-08:00

I just read a book on handwriting analysis, and I'd like to practice a bit. Feel free to submit a sample and I'll tell you things about yourself that you probably already know. Ideally it would be a handwritten note on unlined 8.5x11 paper, but failing that, I'll just analyze your Christmas card (if you sent me one).

Classic Dialogue

2005-01-12T21:15:00.000-08:00

I just saw one of the funniest interactions I've ever seen on television, in the opening sequence of tonight's Alias. If you haven't watched it yet, this won't ruin anything so don't worry (and spend less time cleaning your apartment).
The scene: a lively birthday party at Sydney's house.
Enter Jack Bristow (aka The Guy Who Never Smiles).
Jack: I guess it got lost in the mail
Sydney: Your invitation?
Jack: Or, maybe it was an Evite. (dramatic pause) I don't read Evites.

OK maybe most people won't find this as funny as me (I literally laughed out loud). Perhaps it's just my own dislike for Evites.

I'm back

2005-01-12T21:13:00.000-08:00

Erin pointed out today that I hadn't blogged for a month. OK, I'm back.

More stuff you can buy me

2004-12-05T23:15:00.000-08:00

If you are a person who buys me Christmas presents and are stumped, here are a few things I think are cool:
Collision Course
Crimes Against Logic
Hold'em
Winning

Vacation

2004-12-03T09:58:00.000-08:00

For those of who like to know things of this nature... In case you haven't seen enough of me in the last few months, I will be "vacationing" in sunny Boston from December 18th (6pm-ish) to the 26th (5pm-ish). Just two weeks away. Try not to miss me too much in the interim.

Out the window

2004-12-03T09:48:00.000-08:00

Merriam Webster has released their list of Words of the Year for 2004. Coming in at #1: (drumroll please)... Blog! For comparison, here's last year's list. I find it amusing that democracy topped last year's list, but didn't even appear in this election year. I guess everyone was too concerned about partisan incumbents...
In any event, it's always nice to see defenestration on the list. That is a quality piece of linguistic construction.

drain-no

2004-11-21T16:54:00.000-08:00

The kitchen sink in my apartment is clogged. So there's about 2 inches of water sitting in the sink. Yuck.
Maintenance is going to fix it up tomorrow.
I wonder what caused it. I was in the middle of washing a few pots and pans and all of a sudden the water just stopped draining. I don't recall anything particularly clogging going down the drain. Oh well.

flicks, etc.

2004-11-15T22:18:00.000-08:00

I decided to purchase a couple DVDs, now that I have a laptop with a DVD player. Target had some on sale so I picked these up this weekend:
- Fight Club
- Gladiator
- Thomas Crowne Affair
- Silence of the Lambs
- Manchurian Candidate (the old one)
- Some Like It Hot
- Chris Rock: Never Scared

I've seen 4 of these before (all the movies except the old ones), but I don't remember Fight Club or Thomas Crowne very well. I watched the Chris Rock one this weekend, it's from a show he did in DC this year. Pretty entertaining if you like Chris Rock.

Love that Dirty Water

2004-11-01T22:53:00.000-08:00

I spent this past weekend in Boston to attend my brother’s wedding reception. It was a great event, here are a few of the highlights
* For the introductions (when the bride’s & groom’s families are introduced, followed by the bride & groom), Jen sported a Red Sox jersey over her wedding dress and John donned his Red Sox hat as they entered to the Sox’ “Dirty Water” theme song in a tribute to the teams’ recent World Series victory. Somehow my parents managed to not notice this at all, allegedly because they were still getting back to their seats, but they were introduced before I was, and I was back at my table already….
* The DJ was great as well, he did a good job of keeping the crowd energized and entertained. He also did a few cool things like the Love Compatibility test, where John & Jen had to answer questions like “Who is messier” and “Who has more ex’es” and see if their answers matched.
* The Dance Contest: as part of the “who gets to keep the centerpieces” process, a dance contest was held with one male and female from each table. Fisher and his girlfriend busted out the “Running Man” to get themselves into the finals, where they were defeated by my Aunt Mary and Uncle Frannie, whose dance moves can only be described as indescribable.
* The Toast: The Best Man (who shall remain nameless) gave a fabulous and well received toast which has both humorous and touching. You know you’ve struck a chord when the groom says “OK You can stop now”. Perfect timing, I was done anyways…

New Laptop

2004-11-01T22:51:00.000-08:00

I have a new laptop, which I’m currently using on an airplane as I fly to Boston for the weekend (no internet access I’m just saving these entries and I’ll post them later). It’s pretty exciting; I’ve never had a laptop before. I like the portability, the fact that it’s WAY better than my other computer, and the fact that I got it pretty cheap because Dell had a deal the other day that was $750 off any laptop priced over $1500. Now I can sit in the living room and browse the web, check email, write blog entries, instead of having to stand at my dresser, on top of which sits my old computer.

Bye Bye Car

2004-11-01T22:50:00.000-08:00

This story begins about three months ago, shortly after I bought my new car. I had decided not to trade it in, thinking I could resell it for a few hundred bucks (I only would have gotten about $200 as a trade-in). I attempted to sell the car a few times by posting ads on Craig’s List . Each time I would post the ad I would get several responses. Unfortunately there are massive quantities of cars posted for sale on Craig’s List every day, so often by the time I would get back to the people who replied, they would have already purchased another car. In other cases, people would want me to deliver the car to them in East Nowhere, or they would some ask me to make repairs to the car (fixing dents, replacing EGR valve which caused the check engine light to come on but wasn’t quite dead yet, etc). Overall, people expected way more than what is reasonable to expect for a car priced at under a grand.
On one occasion I actually did find a prospective buyer who actually came to look at the car. When he came I moved the car down near the rental office of my apartment complex and told him to meet me there, since it’s easier to find than my building. He ended up not buying the car because it didn’t have air conditioning. Afterwards, I left the car parked by the rental office. About a week after that, my roommate went to drop off the rent check. He informed me that Erica (one of our landlords) wanted me to move my car, that I couldn’t leave it there. For dramatic effect I’ll point out that Erica made no attempt to contact me directly to ask me to move the vehicle, she used a third party as a messenger. I went ahead and moved the car closer to my building, far away from the rental office in a portion of the parking lot which has plenty of space (We’ve had lots of people over and no one has ever complained about not finding a space, even during the week).
Unbeknownst to me, the property managers were not too excited about me “storing” the car in their lot, particularly since the plates expired last month (Is it illegal to park a car with expired plates, or just to drive it?). The first indication things were not quite right was Thursday morning when the roommate sent me an email at work, saying he say a worker at the apartment leaving a note of some sort on my car. I figured it was something asking me to move the car, and I made a mental note to check it out when I got home. Then around noon time I get a phone call from the apartment office. I didn’t answer it, first of all because I was at work, and second of all because I don’t like talking to these people. After my phone rings and I don’t answer a call, it vibrates again a bit later if the person leaves a voicemail. I assumed no message had been left because a ridiculous amount of time passed before the second vibrate occurred. In other words, she left a ridiculously long message. I was not interested. I called up to listen to my message that she left. In it, she described her displeasure with my using their parking lot as a storage facility, explaining that it was unfair and inconsiderate due to the limited parking spaces available and the fact that they had told other people they could not use said lot for that purpose. She went on to detail their notification process whereby they had left a note on my car “oh, I don’t know, at LEAST a week and a half ago.” She informed me another note had been left today, and that if he car wasn’t moved by tomorrow they were going to tow it at noon. This was the first time they had directly contacted me about this. Yes, they left a note on the car about two weeks ago. But think about, they KNOW that I’m just storing the car there. I’m not using it at all, obviously I’m not going out to check if there are any notes on it. Them leaving notes on my car is like doing sign language to a blind person: yes it’s a valid form of communication, but he’s just not going to see it. I was livid.
So now I’ve twenty four hours to do something about this. Given my past experiences trying to sell the car, that’s out. I had at some point given consideration to donating the car, but I’m quite certain that would take more time that I have. Another option would be to bring the car to a junkyard somewhere. Not that I know of any, but maybe I could find one. It’s now 12:45, I’ve got a meeting at 1:00. I do two things. First I send out an email to this social alias at work, where people send stupid questions like “Can you recommend a good dentist?” and “I have family in town, what are good touristy things to do with them?” So I send mail asking if anyone knows of a junkyard that will take an old car, or alternatively if anyone wants an old used car, because I need to get rid of it. Second, I post an ad on Craig’s List with offering a free car.
When I get back from my meeting, I’ve got 15 responses from the first email. One pointing me to a place that sounded like a junkyard, 2 asking for more details about the car because they might want it for someone they know, and 12 (yes a full 80 percent for those of you keeping score at home) telling me “Why don’t you donate it!?”. Please refrain from imposing your sense of moral obligation to help others and/or get a tax break for yourself on me. As Erin pointed out, they are arguably just offering an alternative solution to my problem. However, In my crazy imagination I assume they were more likely offended that I wasn’t donating the car and wanted to make sure I “did the right thing.” Thanks.
The Craig’s List posting was much more successful. I got about 45 replies in under an hour. The first guy to respond said he was in my city, and could come pick it up right now. Ding Ding Ding we have a winner! I called him and met him at my apartment complex, signed over the title and away he went. He was a guy probably late 20s who I’m guessing really needed a car. Maybe not quite as much as who would have gotten it if I had donated through some charitable organization. But I’ve always said if everyone just worries about the worst problems, everything else gets neglected so you have to pick and choose your battles, spread the love out a little bit. So in the end I think this was just as good as if I had donated the car, but I just cut out the middle man, saving them a little bit of managerial overhead.
The End.

My Pumpkin

2004-10-29T01:01:00.000-07:00

So what do you think?

It's erased? Of course it's erased!

2004-10-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

As you may now I am a big fan of the Back To The Future trilogy. These photos from Hawaii reminded me of BTTF part 1. Anyone know why?

OK If you don't remember, when Marty goes back to 1955, he disrupts the space time continuum and almost prevents his parents from attending the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance and falling in love, thus threatening his own existence. While he is working to correct the situation, the family photo he has been carrying starts to fade away, with his older siblings disappearing completely from the photo (evidence that he's altered history).

Bonus points if you can pinpoint the part of the movie(s) where the title of this post comes from.

Hawaii!

2004-10-10T21:35:00.000-07:00

I've returned and here are the pictures you've all been waiting for. That link is just an index because loading ALL the pictures takes a long time. There are a few movies there too.

Mahalo to John and Jenn for deciding to have their wedding on Maui and giving me (and everyone else who was there) a good excuse to take a great vacation.

Vacation

2004-09-29T22:58:00.000-07:00

Well I'm off to Hawaii tomorrow to see my brother get married. I gotta pack. See you when I see you.

Wish you were here.