Traffic Pirates

Many years ago, I went through a brief period where I actually had marginal interest in computer games, such as Sim City. The brevity of this phrase may have been due to my lack of adeptness at such games. One facet of the game I remember in particular is that the "City" you build puts out a regular newspaper, highlighting the cities development, as you progress through the game. At the time, I thought the newspaper was just a randomly generated distraction with meaningless content. One headline in particular seemed to appear over and over again every time I would play. The headline was "Survey: Trouble Getting Around." It wasn't until years later I learned that this was intended to be taken as an imperative for me to build more roads. It was just like when Clara Clayton turns the knob on her telescope and "everything becomes clear."
Traffic, or driving and in general, seems to be second only to weather in terms of its universal nature as both an annoyance and a topic of conversation. In fact, in Seattle, it may even surpass weather, as the remarkable consistency of the weather here (eight and a half months of 45 degrees and a light rain, followed by three and a half months of partly cloudy and 76 degrees) tends to numb the brain, both to the weather itself, the discussion thereof.
Overhearing a recent hallway conversation about traffic, I remembered my drive-time analysis of Seattle's traffic. The number one complaint - and cause of highway annoyance - is the phenomenon called "Two People Driving Right Next To Each Other At Exactly The Same Speed." Now, if Seattle were a normal, modernized city, this would only be a minor annoyance since speedier drivers could switch to a third lane to pass the offending vehicles. But NOOOOOO, somewhere along the line, someone decided that SR-520, the principle roadway into and out of Redmond, connecting the Eastside to downtown Seattle, is effectively a two lane road. This means 50% more drivers need to be continually slowing down to accomodate traffing merging on or off the roadway. It means the Two Car phenomen can back up hundreds or thousands of cars to a 47 MPH crawl when they would otherwise be cruising along at 70. And this isn't certainly not restricted to rush hour. I've personally been stuck behind such tenderfooted driver pairs at all hours of the day and night on this travesty of a road. I can only imagine the pain of sitting in bumper to bumper traffic here on a daily basis, knowing that it would all be speeded up tremendously if the all-too-polite typical Seattle driver would just step on the gas and merge a little bit faster where the carpool lane ends just before the Evergreen Point Bridge. As for me, I'll stick with the backroads from K-town to Corp.
Another place I've spent a lot of time - though again not as much as some others - just hanging around waiting is Walt Disney World. Though roller coaster type rides have always been at the top of my list, old favorites such as The Pirates of the Caribbean were always a must for our family's quasi-annual pilgrimages to Orlando. Suckers for tradition, we were always disappointed when our old standby's were surrounded by so much plywood and the seemingly omnipresent "This Attraction Is Being Refurbished For Your Future Enjoyment" sign. Alas it seems even the Pirates couldn't last forever, as Hollywood box office success has prompted an update for this 'Attraction.' I'm not sure exactly why, but I was very disappointed at hearing this news. Does Disney really need to beef up their rides to make the hard sell on DVDs and other merchandise? Isn't there something to be said for nostalgia? Just like how people love to drop that old cliche that "The book is better than the movie," I think the ride is as well. While reminiscing about the ride - the scene with the dog holding the keys to the jail cell was always my favorite - I remembered the part where the Pirates yell out "We Want The Redhead!" As a youngster I thought they might be coming to get me, but now I have a better understanding of what's going on. In this article Michael Barrier describes the pervasive overtones of sex and death in Disney rides, which in this case can only be overlooked if "you believe that the pirates are enthusiastic about the beautiful redhead because they've heard she's a good cook." And we all know that's not true.